growing up.

Life has a way of sneaking up on you. I don't really mind the part where I get more responsibility, I don't really mind paying the bills, I don't really mind having a busier, sometimes "boring" life. I think the part that is hard for me is watching everyone else around me get older too.

This last weekend I was able to have dinner and spend time with a number of family members. Among those that got together, I saw my grandparents and great aunts and uncles. As much as we have all have our faults, I love them all dearly. Over the past few months, my grandpa has been sick on and off, in the hospital, getting weak, getting better, etc. The same thing has been happening to my great aunt. My grandma isn't in the best of health either. And I can't help but feel that our time together is growing shorter and shorter. And I hate it.

I realize that's just part of life, but for me, that's the worst part about growing older.

two excuses and one reason.

Yet again, it seems as though I've taken an unplanned hiatus from blogging. I always intend to get on and write, but we all can see how well that's worked out. I'm setting a goal to post at least one weekly update. Maybe I can stick to that. Time will tell, right?

I can identify at least two distinct factors that have contributed to this latest break. The first of which is that I have been a lot busier subbing. So far in May, I've subbed at least a half day on 9 out of 11 school days. What a huge difference from my last report! On top of that, my other currently-part-time-that-will-be-full-time-this-summer job doing data entry for the company my mom works for has been keeping me a bit busier, as well. No complaints here as far as the paycheck goes. And as much as I need the money, a small part of me resents the fact that I am so busy. If I'm being honest, I think it's because 1) I've become a bit lazy in the lifestyle I've grown accustomed to in the past few months and 2) I look ahead into the future and see very few "lazy" days left. I'm going to be working a full-time, 9-5 job this summer, and then I intend to go back to school in the fall, as well as continue to substitute teach. So, when I think of all that, I guess I'm just basking in my last few lazy days until around the house doing "not a whole lot" (my standard answer when I asked "What did you do today?").

The other factor in my lack of blogging is that the internet at my house was barely/not working. At times it would take about 10 minutes to maybe load a page. Forget about watching any of the tv shows I typically watch during my days of nothing. Not that I have had many of those recently, but you get the point. Anyway, slow and inconsistent internet is nothing short of irritating. I'm thankful for my iphone, where I could at least check my email, Facebook, etc. It's much too much effort to type too much on there, though, hence the lack of blogging.

Ok, those are my excuses. Now, the real reason is that I just don't always know what to say. I typically thing of my days as inconsequential, with nothing much to report. I haven't even had very many good stories from subbing. (I do have a few that need to be shared...so look for that post soon!) I mean, what's the point of subbing if you aren't going to get any good stories? So, as soon as I figure out what to say, I'll let you know.

decision time.

When I moved home last December after finishing student teaching, I had the distinct feeling that whatever move I made would determine my future, at least in part. When I last wrote, I was wrestling with the decision of what comes next. And I have an even greater sense that what I decide now will, indeed, determine the path I take.

When I think of it that way, it scares me to death that I might be making the wrong choice. But I have, for now, decided to return to school to get my Master's in Teaching. The decision seems to make the most logical sense. But, as I think we all know, the most obvious decision is not always the right one. So my prayer has been for God to open all the doors if it's the right move, or to close them and make it apparent to me that I need to pursue something different.

And, so far, all of the doors have been standing wide open. As it turns out, I was able to fill out an application for readmission to Biola, which was processed quickly, I've paid my enrollment deposit, and have preregistered for classes. I'm planning to take three courses this fall, but I have a spot in five different classes right now because I'm not sure which to take first. I have a phone appointment next Monday afternoon with someone from the School of Education, so I hope to have a better idea of what my program will look like after that meeting.

Since I've made this decision, I've been wrestling with the thought of returning to school. If you had asked me a month ago what I would be doing come fall, the words "going back to school" would have never come out of my mouth. I was so tired of school at the end of December, that the thought of continuing on at that time was absolutely out of the question. The idea of doing homework and having mounds of reading to do and papers to write still overwhelms me a bit. But, I've done it before, and I know I can do it again. I feel that God gave me this semester as a period of rest. Working part-time, making enough to pay (some of) the bills, but having some time off too, to relax and do a bit of nothing for a change. I also think its been a valuable time of making connections in the districts I am working in now.

All of that said, I'm thankful to have the opportunity of going back to school that many people never do. I have the luxury of living at home, having few expenses (although more are to come when I start making real money), and returning to school with the encouragement of my parents. I may as well make the most of this opportunity!