only the beginning.

The long-awaited day has come and gone. Graduation day, that is. It was a long day of traveling, eating, rehearsing, waiting, and actually going through the ceremony. I'm so thankful to have the support of so many family members. But, even though I'd been waiting for that day to arrive, part of me is a little sad it's over. I'm excited for my freedom to do the things I want to do instead of being chained by class schedules, but I also feel a sense of loss as another chapter comes to an end. It's the feeling of accomplishment mixed with anticipation. Part of me feels like it went by too quickly. Part of me is rejoicing. Part of me doesn't know what to do with all my free time now. A bundled mix of emotions, really.

That all being said though, I'm excited for what the future may hold. I'm excited about all of the opportunities I might take advantage of now that I'm not constrained by school. I'm excited to see where life goes next. It's really only just the beginning.

(I promise to post some pictures soon.  My sister has them all on her camera, which is now in Los Angeles with her.  Even though we were together all weekend, I only remembered we were going to do it after she headed back last night. We're awesome.)

the end has come.

I'm done. It's over. I'm finished with school.
Part of me never thought I'd be saying those words.
But I am. I did it.  And I'm so, so happy to be done.

I spent a few hours yesterday and about nine hours today working on my last paper.  It was painful.  Like a slow death march to the end.  But I prevailed, and now it's over.  And I'm so, so happy to be done.

In the last four weeks, I have written five papers totaling 95 pages.  Yes, you read that right.  95 pages!
And you wonder why I'm happy to be done?

Oh, the relief.  I'm not exactly sure what to do with my newfound freedom quite yet.  IMaybe, just maybe, I'll rediscover what it means to have fun and not spend all my time working...

where thieves break in and steal.

Have you ever wondered what your car door would look like without a handle?
No? Me neither. But now I know. 

After a night's sleep that consisted of a few good hours, then a few hours of tossing and turning and wondering if my phone would ring, I fell back asleep around 7:00.  No job so far, so I thought I could sleep a little longer.  The house phone rings a little before 8:00, so I got up and looked at who called, saw it was our neighbor (of dog fame, if you saw that saga on Facebook), then crawled back in bed.  I was just settling back in when my mom came bursting into my room to wake me up and told me that someone had tried to break into my car last night and that I needed to come and take pictures.  I got up, put in my contacts, and wandered out with my camera to take some pictures and survey the damage.  Of course, I was wearing my pajamas and saw more neighbors than average.  But, that's not the point.  Anyway, it appears that the thief (also known as jerk, idiot, and moron) tried just about every way imaginable to get into my car from the driver's side.  They managed to rip the entire handle off, I assume to try and pry the door open.  They tried to stick something down the door from up near the window (like a locksmith would) and tore that rubber up and scratched the window.  They bent up the lock mechanism.  The gouged the keyless entry on the door.  They gouged the piece of plastic/rubber that runs along the bottom of the sides of the car.  They beat the door and window with a rock leaving scratches and dents.  They scratched the passenger door, window, and handle.  In other words, they were very thorough in their damage, managing to hit a variety of .  Here are some pictures:

We called the insurance and police.  The police came around 11:00 and took my report.  They said this falls into a gray area between vandalism and attempted burglary.  I'm pretty sure he filed it as the latter.  He also dusted for fingerprints (which was the only fun part of the experience) and managed to get two and a partial handprint.  A detective will be assigned to the case tomorrow.  Time will tell if they catch the guy. 

After the police were done, I was free to take it to get a repair estimate.  Oh, only $2600.  No big deal.
Thankfully our insurance deductible is $200, so we shouldn't have to pay more than that, which is excellent news.  The repair should take 7 or more days, so I'll be driving a rental car for that time.  Just have to wait on the insurance adjustor to come take a look before anything more can happen.

I'm thankful they didn't actually break in and they didn't steal anything,  That would have been a whole lot bigger of a mess to deal with.  This was plenty. 

For a positive note to end on, I finished paper number three.  Just one more and I'm free!

four days in four points.

Since my last update I have:
1) Gotten a fabulous sunburn on Sunday on my neck and arms.  I'm just doing my part to ensure that my T-shirt tan lines never fade.  My church held service at the ampitheater/park where we had a barbecue afterward. It was a fun time, with only a couple of hiccups.  (One was when it started to rain pretty hard for about 5 minutes.  It was wonderful because we were all standing in line to get lunch and couldn't go anywhere.  And, two, was when they were terribly slow at producing the meat for our hamburgers and hotdogs and the lines moved so slowly.  I don't know who prayed for patience that day, but it wasn't me!) 

2) Attended my very last class of the semester.  Monday was the last day!  We ended about 15 minutes early and instead of just letting us go, the professor kept telling us these meaningless, unrelated stories.  We were all packed up sitting there, and he just kept talking.  Please.  Just let us go.

3) Written two of the four papers I had left, both of which I got 100% on.  I'm working on number 3 right now, and hopefully four will be finished by Friday.  The due date is Monday night, so I will for sure be done by then, but I'm aiming for a pre-weekend finish.

4) Subbed two days in the same fourth grade class (yesterday and today).  There were moments when they were wonderful and charming and fantastic, and then they had moments where I wanted to strangle them or send them to the office.  There were a ton of subs at the school, too, since the 4-6th grade teachers had a meeting to attend, and there was even a substitute principal.  He came into the classroom yesterday morning and did not threaten, but promised, the kids that if they were sent to the office, they would be suspended.  I got close to not putting up with a couple of kids, but decided their talkativeness didn't really warrant suspension.  A couple more hours like the last hour I spent with them might have put me over the edge, though.  They weren't all bad kids, though.  They mostly just talked.  A lot.  This morning, though, the aide said they were better for me than they were for their regular teacher.  So it really wasn't all bad.  It's amazing how the bad can sour the good, though...

I think that pretty much sums up the last 4 days...

announcement.

This is what I'll be doing in 13 days, 1 hour, 52 minutes from now:

hope now.

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

"Hope Now," Addison Road

sleepless.

No, I'm not in Seattle.  It's been approximately three weeks since I've had a really good night's sleep.  Ok, that's not entirely true.  I slept pretty good last night and two nights ago.  But nowhere near enough  to make up for the cumulative lost sleep of 20 nights or so.  How I'm still walking, I'm not sure.

In other news...today I had one of the best classes I've ever subbed in.  It was a 1st/2nd combo class and just a good group of kids.  Considering I was at a school that doesn't have the best reputation in the district, it was a very welcome surprise. 

School update: I still have those four papers looming over me.  I need to get at least 2 of them done this weekend and then plan to get the other 2 done during the week next week.  That makes this the last weekend of homework for the forseeable future of my life.  To say I'm excited is an understatement.  Although the reality hasn't fully set in, so it mostly just feels like the end of any other semester.

(14 days)

trapped.

I was going to pick up my mom for lunch today.  I set the alarm and walked to the front door.  I saw Sweetie (the cat) out front and intended to let her in before I locked it.  She distracted me, but thankfully I looked down before I stepped outside.  There lay a pile of feathers, guts, wings, and other bird parts that Sweetie had so lovingly dropped off on the doorstep. (If you know me, you probably know that I hate birds.  It was so nasty and there was really nowhere to step in order to lock the door.

I slammed the door back shut and called my mom, telling her I was a bit trapped.  She suggested I go out the side gate. So, I set the alarm again and went out through the garage to go out the gate.  Easier said than done.  The gate is warped and extremely difficult to open and close.  I got it open, went out, but absolutely could not, despite my best efforts, get the gate to close.  I tried pulling, yanking, slamming, nothing.  I called mom again telling her I was again stuck and would be a few minutes.  I finally had to lift the gate and pull in order for it to latch.

All I wanted was to go to lunch.  I ended up working up a sweat just trying to leave.

(Oh, and yes, the bird is still out there, just waiting for somebody else to come home and clean it up...)

my creation.

A few weeks ago, my mom, sister and I went to Creation Craze, a local pottery studio like Color Me Mine, only cheaper.  When I was there a few weeks before with some friends, I saw the coasters that you could paint and decided to them the next time I was there. 

Here they are:



I think they turned out pretty good (if I do say so myself)!

monday and tuesday.

Not much new in the last couple of days...

1. One more day of class down, which means I have exactly one left next Monday.  I still have those four papers, though.  It will be much more exciting when those are done.

2. I've applied for a few more jobs.  We'll see about.  I'm not giving up, but I'm not holding out too much hope either.

3. I got a call to sub for 6th grade today.  I passed.  Partly because it's sixth grade in the last few weeks of school, partly because I have a load of work to do for my mom that I'm behind on.

4. Bible study tonight.

Pretty exciting around here, folks.

a look back.

I've started to write a blog a few times, but then stopped myself.  I think I'm still processing where I'm at.  The hope and disappointment of the job are (mostly) gone.  It's like so much has changed, yet everything remains the same as a year ago.  I'm another year older, another year of experiences, another year of school and another degree finished.  And yet, it all seems so familiar, like the same place I was a year ago. 

In fact, it was almost exactly a year ago that I made the decision to go back to school.  It was just a few weeks later that Papa started to get progressively worse.  I struggled through the reality of substitute teaching and that not being what I really wanted to do.

And, looking back, I can see how so many of those and other prayers have been answered.  So, it's not as though I'm saying nothing has happened in a year's time.  Just take a look at the history of this blog and you can catch a glimpse of the long, hard year that was 2010.  Yet, God showed up in some big ways, too. 

I was talking to some friends a couple of days ago that are in a similar position that I'm in.  Maybe it's just characteristic of this phase of life, feeling directionless to some degree. My prayers have been that the Lord would guide me to where He wants me.  He shut the door to the job opportunity and there have been no other leads.  So, it seems I'm right where He wants me.  You know, "they" say that God uses the hard moments to teach us.  I wonder what, exactly, I'm supposed to be learning right now...to me it sounds like "Wait.  Just wait."

So, I will.  Even if I complain a bit along the way, I'll wait.

(18 days)

mom.

I can't let Mother's Day pass without this:

Love you, Mom!  You do so much and I am so thankful for you :)

new wallet.

I got a new wallet a few weeks ago. After 6 years of plenty of use, I decided it was time.  I opened it up today to finally switched to it and took a closer look at this info card they have placed inside:

Please, steal my identity along with my wallet.  I've place all of my pertinent information on one card for your convenience. 

Seriously, what criminal was hired to create this thing?

my accomplishments.

As of Wednesday around 1:00pm, I officially turned in the last assignment for my capstone class in order to receive my Masters.  This means that the 33 pager is done, as well as the presentation that goes with it and my final reflection of the class.  One more class down!

Unfortunately, I still have one class left to finish...so close, yet still quite a bit to do.  I have two more classes to attend and four papers to write.  Yes, four papes for the same class due on the same day.  Dumb, right?  I need to get started on them soon (as in this weekend, probably...ok probably not) so I'm not stuck doing them all at the last second.  Because I would totally do that, knowing my track record.  Although, to be fair, I've finished my other two classes this semester between 2 and 4 weeks early, so who knows :)

The last two days have been as dull as possible for me.  Yesterday I literally staying in my pjs all day, just working (as in sitting at my desk all day, wishing I was doing something else).  Today again I stayed home, although I did shower and get dressed, and thought about everything I would rather be doing than working.  I don't think it helped. 

Things I would rather be doing (in no particular order):
Reading
Seeing friends
Disneyland
Magic Mountain
Seeing family
Bowling
Crocheting
Going to the movies
Learning to quilt
Watching paint dry

I have the overwhelming desire to go do something, anything.  Tomorrow I'm going to do something.  I just don't know what quite yet.

Hope your Cince de Mayo was terrific.  We "celebrated" by eating Baja Fresh in the car in the church parking lot.  My parents were going to a meeting, I was there for the free food company. 

good news.

Saw this earlier this week:

(please excuse the nasty windshield)

There may be hope for us yet!

my answer came.

I had my interview Monday morning and was told I would find out either way by Tuesday.  I spent all day with that phone attached to me.  I finally got the call last night at 9pm that I had been both anxiously waiting for and dreading.  I knew in my gut that it wasn't the answer I wanted.  And when I heard the words "I wish I was calling with better news" my heart sank.

Even though I'd been preparing myself all day, I was disappointed.  At that moment it was final.  The hardest part was that when I heard I had an interview, I tried not to get too excited, but it was the very first time that I allowed myself to imagine having my own classroom and students.  And that's what hurt the most.

I'd been praying all along though, that no matter the answer, I would trust God.  His answer was no this time.  So I'll keep waiting, and trusting, and hopefully not waiting too much longer...

(23 days)