a look back.

I've started to write a blog a few times, but then stopped myself.  I think I'm still processing where I'm at.  The hope and disappointment of the job are (mostly) gone.  It's like so much has changed, yet everything remains the same as a year ago.  I'm another year older, another year of experiences, another year of school and another degree finished.  And yet, it all seems so familiar, like the same place I was a year ago. 

In fact, it was almost exactly a year ago that I made the decision to go back to school.  It was just a few weeks later that Papa started to get progressively worse.  I struggled through the reality of substitute teaching and that not being what I really wanted to do.

And, looking back, I can see how so many of those and other prayers have been answered.  So, it's not as though I'm saying nothing has happened in a year's time.  Just take a look at the history of this blog and you can catch a glimpse of the long, hard year that was 2010.  Yet, God showed up in some big ways, too. 

I was talking to some friends a couple of days ago that are in a similar position that I'm in.  Maybe it's just characteristic of this phase of life, feeling directionless to some degree. My prayers have been that the Lord would guide me to where He wants me.  He shut the door to the job opportunity and there have been no other leads.  So, it seems I'm right where He wants me.  You know, "they" say that God uses the hard moments to teach us.  I wonder what, exactly, I'm supposed to be learning right now...to me it sounds like "Wait.  Just wait."

So, I will.  Even if I complain a bit along the way, I'll wait.

(18 days)