making changes.

There are some things in life you have to accept.  Like not getting hired for a job.
But, there are also some things in life that when you aren't happy with them, you change them.  That's the place I'm in.  Making changes in my life to make it a little bit better and a little more productive.  I've finally been working on cleaning my room and closet.  It's been in various stages of disarray since I moved home, oh, you know, almost two years ago.  Yeah, you might remember me mentioning it way back here.  And over, and over.  Friday I hit my breaking point, put everything else I had to do aside, and just started cleaning.  I started with my desk since that's where I spend most of my time.  I'm proud to say you can see over half of the top surface of the desk.  It's a wonderful sight!  I also went through the mountain of papers I needed to sort through, actually filed stuff away, and threw away the rest. 

But, the room was put somewhat on hold while other cleaning has happened.  Saturday it was the attic.  Mom and I attacked it in just a few hours that morning.  We hauled a lot of stuff out to get rid of, organized some stuff that was staying, and put a few things away that hadn't made their way back to the attic.  The living room is the collection point in the house.  Let's just say it looks like a garage sale vomited in there.  I'll spare you the picture.

Sunday it was on the the hall closet.  Since we've lived here, that closet has been the catch-all "room" for things we didn't really want to get rid of, but didn't really want to deal with either.  Now we are dealing with all of those years of "laters."  We cleaned out bin after bin of various holiday decorations, sorted through tons of pictures, and have organized what we are keeping.  After a couple or three trips to Target, we might have all the storage and organization tools we need to whip the closet into shape.  We are making it more of "craft closet", which will allow me to move the stuff that has been in my own closet.  This is the critical step to finally getting my room and closet into shape! 

We are aiming for a garage sale in just over a month.  It's a pain in the process, but we know that the end result will be so nice!

Other changes I've been making:
-Eating better
-Working out more frequently
-Losing some weight
-Thinking about selling the cards I make
-Accepting that I'm subbing again this year and slowly being ok with it

It's like it's January or something...

gentle reminders.

I don't know about everyone else, but I often have a song stuck in my head.  Usually it's one I've heard recently, but not always.  Case in point: Last week, I had White Christmas running through my head.  Subconciously wishing for cooler weather?  Probably. 

Monday morning, when I was feeling pretty down about not getting the job, a few lines from the song "Safe" (Phil Wickham) ran on repeat through my mind from the instant (literally) I woke up.  It felt like God's gentle reminder that I'll be ok.  Because, even though I know that, a reminder every now and then doesn't hurt.

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Listen to it here

holding on.

I'll spare you all the details, but mid-July I had an interview for a teaching position.  Said they would let me know by the end of July either way.  I was in Washington at the end of July and when no call came, I suspected I didn't get it.  But, I was still holding slight hope since they said they would let me know if I didn't get it, too.  I arrived home from vacation, and after a very long 3.5 week wait, I got my answer in the form of a rejection letter.  It's hard to read even though you are expecting it.

Fast forward to last week.  I had basically resigned myself to continuing subbing next year, really against my wishes, but having no other options.  Tuesday I'm sitting in safety training for one of the districts I work in (which went 40 minutes longer than they said it would!) and feel my phone vibrating against my foot in my purse.  I check it when they finally release us and it is a couple of missed calls, no voicemail, from a number I don't recognize.  Gathering my courage to make that call, I call the number feeling a little dumb when I have to say I don't know who called me, what they wanted, and still not really knowing where I was calling.  All I heard when she answered the phone was "Mmmfiuenbstuia School District."  The secretary transferred the call to the woman who had called me and I found out they wanted to interview me for a 3rd grade I had applied for (only then did I figure which district it was).  That was Friday afternoon.  They told they would contact whoever got the job "shortly."  I'm not exactly sure what shortly meant, but I know it meant before today because that would have been when I started.  No call.  I mean, no surprise there. 

But the problem is, every time I get that call for an interview, I get so excited.  I start imagining the possibilities.  What it's going to be like to have my class, how I'm going to do things, etc.  And the disappointment of not getting the job seems to crush me a little bit more each time.  I'm trying not to be discouraged, but I can't really stop.  In some ways, I think I would have rather not had all those interviews.  At least then I wouldn't have had my hopes trampled on.  And again, and again.

So, I find myself in the exact same place I did last year, only now I'm even more disappointed because I don't have the excuse of school to fall back on.  I know that those jobs went to great teachers.  There's a lot of people out there and they are all just as qualified for the job.  I get that.  But it still is disappointing.  And it's much harder than I ever imagined it could be.

home again.

I'm home!  You might have noticed my absence, but July was pretty sparse as far as blogging goes, so maybe you didn't.  Where did I go, you might be wondering.  Well, I went up to Washington to be a part of the wedding of my dear friend, Caitlin.  I went up on Sunday, July 24 and the wedding was on Friday of that week.  We had a couple of days to hang out, do a few wedding preparations, pick up her dress, and just have fun before everyone else arrived into town on Wednesday.  The rest of her bridesmaids are such sweet girls, but I don't really know any of them that well, so it was really special to have a couple of days to spend with Caitlin, her family, and of course, Nick, her now husband.  Having only met him once before about a year ago, I also really enjoyed getting to know him a bit more.  I definitely approve and am looking forward to getting to know him more in the coming years.  One fun highlight was that his mom is a dance instructor and taught everyone a few dances.  Being there a few days early, I was given an advance lesson.  Nick also taught me the hustle, which we ended up doing practically as a solo on the wedding dance floor (only his parents were on the dance floor with us).  It was such a blast, though!  After the real reason for the trip was over on Friday night, my parents and I went on a little vacation up to Vancouver, British Columbia for a few days, and then down to Seattle for a couple days.  I arrived into Burbank around 6pm Thursday, Mom and Dad got in around 10:45pm, and we got home about 12:30am on Friday.  Back to real life now...

(I'll get the photos off my camera and my mom's camera, see what I've got, then share with you all soon!)