unmistakable.

I’ll be honest. I have a hard time trusting God.

I used to think about Exodus, about how God led the Israelites out of Egypt and into the wilderness on their way to the Promised Land, and how easy it would have been to follow God in those circumstances. I mean, there He was visibly leading them in the form of a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. It was unmistakable.

The Israelites watched as God parted the Red Sea for them to walk through on dry land, with walls of water on both sides of them. Even more than that, once the Israelites had all passed through, God let the water flow back to cover the Egyptians pursuing them. What a powerful image of God’s provision. It was unmistakable.

As the Israelites entered the wilderness, they began to complain about their lack of food. One month had passed since the time they had left Egypt. Already they seemed to forget about God’s immense provision for them. In response to them, God sent manna and quail to them every day, fulfilling their needs. He instructed them to gather only what they needed for the day. Those that did not trust His provision gathered extra, just in case. However, they woke the next day only to realize that it was rotting and full of maggots. And the ground was still covered with an abundance of food. So, on it went. It was unmistakable.

The Israelites again complained, this time for water. They told essentially told Moses it would have been better to stay in Egypt than to die of thirst in the desert. So, the Lord instructs Moses to strike a rock with his staff. When he did so, water flowed out of it for the people to drink. It was unmistakable.

Here’s the part that gets me: ‘And [Moses] called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the Lord saying, “Is the Lord among us or not?”’ (Ex. 17:7)
Is the Lord among you? Are you kidding? Look what he has done! His provision for you is unmistakable!

But, the more I think about it, I do exactly the same thing. For a time, God’s leading is practically visible. All the things I do seem to fall right into place. That I am following God’s will is unmistakable. As soon as I enter the edge of the wilderness, however, I immediately begin to doubt. I quickly forget all of God’s provisions and leading and wonder why He could have possibly led me to this place. I complain to God, asking why he could have abandoned me here. I ask “Is the Lord among us or not?” Despite all He has already done, I continue to forget.

I wonder when I’ll remember how God has led me, how his provision is unmistakable.

a shoe story.

The past couple of days have been quite a challenge. My mission: find shoes for graduation. I apparently underestimated the unwritten law that says it is impossible to find the one thing you actually need when shopping. All I wanted were white shoes, heels, preferably wedges so I don't eat it in the grass, non-ugly, and actually fit my feet. After going to every shoe store imaginable, I had yet to find the shoes I needed. I ended up scrapping the whole outfit, buying a new skirt, and then being more flexible in my shoe color choice. Let's just say it took my a few minutes after that to find about 5 pairs of shoes that met my aforementioned criteria (only not in white). All of this to say, here's my funny story of the day:
I was in Nordstrom Rack looking at the shoes and I see a woman standing there with two different shoes on. Not an unusual sight in the shoe aisles, where people are often trying on shoes. I see her try on a few more pairs, then continue walking down the aisle. She still has the two different shoes on. I continue to shop, finding a few pairs that I like. As I am trying them on, I hear the woman say something to herself, fairly quietly, but I hear something along the lines of: "Now where did my shoe go?" Apparently this woman had been walking up and down the aisle, trying on shoes. Somewhere along the way, she put her own shoe back on the shelf and walked off with the one she was trying on. It probably took her 20 minutes or so to realize she had on the two different shoes. And another 5 minutes of searching the shelves, as nonchalantly as possible, for her own shoe. Entertainment, to say the least.

unexpected.

I am learning to enjoy the unexpected things that happen. I think life would be terribly boring if everything happened exactly like we planned it would. I also think we would miss out on so many experiences if those unexpected things did not happen. More and more I realize how much I am not in control of my life. And that's exactly how it needs to be...

even still.

"I do not doubt that God hears me, but I do not understand why He waits so long to act. I do not doubt He cares, but I worry that His way of caring is much different from that which I so desperately need."

Even still, I trust Him.