Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings,
yet not welcome any pain?
Shall I thank You for days of sunshine,
yet grumble in days of rain?
Shall I love You in times of plenty,
then leave You in days of drought?
Shall I trust when I reap a harvest,
but when winter winds blow, then doubt?
Oh let Your will be done in me
In Your love I will abide
Oh I long for nothing else
As long as You are glorified
Are You good only when I prosper?
And true only when I'm filled?
Are You King only when I'm carefree
and God only when I'm well?
You are good when I'm poor and needy
You are true when I'm parched and dry
You still reign in the deepest valley
You're still God in the darkest night
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
standing still.
Some days I feel as though life is passing me by.
As though a blink would be enough to miss it all.
As though I'm standing still while everyone else keeps moving.
It's easy for me to say that God is in control and has a plan, but it's hard for me to always trust in that promise.
As though a blink would be enough to miss it all.
As though I'm standing still while everyone else keeps moving.
It's easy for me to say that God is in control and has a plan, but it's hard for me to always trust in that promise.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
hope.
I love Spring! I love the weather (until it gets too hot, anyway), the promise of summer (which means a break from school), and all of the holidays. I've decided that I'm much more optimistic when the weather is perfect. Spring brings with it a sense of hope and new life. And yet, as I look around me, I see the loss of hope, that something better is never going to come.
It's easy to understand, really. When we place our hope in things like financial success, monetary value, better careers, and the latest technology, we are sure to be disappointed. It's not as though any of those things have the ability to save us. They may make us happy for a season, through spring, summer, and even into fall. But winter is always around the corner, bringing with it a season of coldness and despair. And that's usually when we realize that the object in which we have placed our hope has, once again, let us down.
Winter is interesting, though. It is a time of fallen hopes, of darkness and despair, of loneliness. But winter is also necessary. During winter, trees lose their leaves and become dormant. If there was no winter, we would also have no spring. What is lost during winter is brought back to life in the springtime.
"From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth-- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." (Psalm 33:13-22)
Placing our hope in Him does not mean that winter is over. Rather, we know that God will be near us through every season. And even when it feels like winter is never going to end, we know that spring will come again. May we rest in His promise to sustain us, to never let us go.
It's easy to understand, really. When we place our hope in things like financial success, monetary value, better careers, and the latest technology, we are sure to be disappointed. It's not as though any of those things have the ability to save us. They may make us happy for a season, through spring, summer, and even into fall. But winter is always around the corner, bringing with it a season of coldness and despair. And that's usually when we realize that the object in which we have placed our hope has, once again, let us down.
Winter is interesting, though. It is a time of fallen hopes, of darkness and despair, of loneliness. But winter is also necessary. During winter, trees lose their leaves and become dormant. If there was no winter, we would also have no spring. What is lost during winter is brought back to life in the springtime.
"From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth-- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." (Psalm 33:13-22)
Placing our hope in Him does not mean that winter is over. Rather, we know that God will be near us through every season. And even when it feels like winter is never going to end, we know that spring will come again. May we rest in His promise to sustain us, to never let us go.
Monday, April 6, 2009
this isn't what we had in mind.
When I think about doing God’s work, I always picture these large, grand ideas in my head: feeding the hungry, going to Africa and eradicating AIDS, eliminating poverty, etc…you get the idea. Of course, there is nothing wrong with those things. Those are the underlying ideals that so many people seek and strive for. And they truly are good goals to have. But maybe those aren’t the things that God is asking you to do.
It is easy to identify your work as God’s work when you are a part of something great, like those, and countless other, things. Those are the times when it really feels like we are doing something important, doing God’s work. Everybody can see the good we are doing, so that must be when we are making the biggest difference…right? I think we all know the answer to that. Of course God can lead people to do those things, to be a part of such grand plans. But what about when it seems like the task we have been given is menial? We know that we could be doing so much more with ourselves, our time, and our resources.
One of the things that I have had to learn is that not everybody is going to, or is even supposed to, be a part of these things. What do we do when we want to feed the hungry across the globe, but it seems that God is prompting us to get to know our neighbors? When we have great plans, but God wants us to do something that seems meager in comparison?
In Exodus 2, the story of Moses begins. He is a Hebrew man, raised as an Egyptian and ruler over the Hebrews. It seems, though, that Moses was not content with his life as an Egyptian ruler. He knew who he truly was and had compassion on his fellow people. It appears that Moses saw himself as the deliverer of his people. He took matters into his own hands, and one day, when he thought nobody was looking, killed an Egyptian that was beating a Hebrew. He hid the body, thinking that what he did was in secret. But Pharaoh found out what Moses did and tried to kill Moses as punishment. Moses fled into the wilderness until he came to Midian. Verses 16-19 say this:
‘Now a priest of Midian had seven daughters, and they came to draw water and fill the troughs to water their father’s flock. Some shepherds came along and drove them away, but Moses got up and came to their rescue and watered their flock. When the girls returned to Reuel their father, he asked them, “Why have you returned so early today?” They answered, “An Egyptian rescued us from the shepherds. He even drew water for us and watered the flock.”’
So, Moses tries to help his people and ends up fleeing Egypt to save his own life. He had thought was he was going to deliver a nation. His had a grand scheme for how he would deliver his people. But God had different plans. Instead of delivering a nation, God presents Moses with the opportunity to save a priest’s daughters from harm. It wasn’t what Moses had pictured, but he stands up and does it anyway.
Moses is then invited to stay with the priest, marries one of his daughters, and establishes his life there in Midian. I think we all know what comes next: God knows the Israelites are still enslaved in Egypt and He calls Moses to be the one that goes to Pharaoh and ask that the Israelites be freed. Moses is given a chance to be the deliverer of his people one again. Only this time, he does so in accordance with God’s plans and achieves a much greater outcome.
So, what do we do when God is prompting us to get to know our neighbor? It may not be what we had in mind, it may not be the grand scheme we had pictured. But stand up and do it anyway. You may (and probably will) find out that God had a reason that prompting. Maybe your neighbor is going through a financially difficult time and doesn’t have enough to make ends meet. He has put on the façade that everything is alright. But, when you took the time to get to know them, you learned that your plan to feed the hungry across the globe can begin right next door.
It is easy to identify your work as God’s work when you are a part of something great, like those, and countless other, things. Those are the times when it really feels like we are doing something important, doing God’s work. Everybody can see the good we are doing, so that must be when we are making the biggest difference…right? I think we all know the answer to that. Of course God can lead people to do those things, to be a part of such grand plans. But what about when it seems like the task we have been given is menial? We know that we could be doing so much more with ourselves, our time, and our resources.
One of the things that I have had to learn is that not everybody is going to, or is even supposed to, be a part of these things. What do we do when we want to feed the hungry across the globe, but it seems that God is prompting us to get to know our neighbors? When we have great plans, but God wants us to do something that seems meager in comparison?
In Exodus 2, the story of Moses begins. He is a Hebrew man, raised as an Egyptian and ruler over the Hebrews. It seems, though, that Moses was not content with his life as an Egyptian ruler. He knew who he truly was and had compassion on his fellow people. It appears that Moses saw himself as the deliverer of his people. He took matters into his own hands, and one day, when he thought nobody was looking, killed an Egyptian that was beating a Hebrew. He hid the body, thinking that what he did was in secret. But Pharaoh found out what Moses did and tried to kill Moses as punishment. Moses fled into the wilderness until he came to Midian. Verses 16-19 say this:
‘Now a priest of Midian had seven daughters, and they came to draw water and fill the troughs to water their father’s flock. Some shepherds came along and drove them away, but Moses got up and came to their rescue and watered their flock. When the girls returned to Reuel their father, he asked them, “Why have you returned so early today?” They answered, “An Egyptian rescued us from the shepherds. He even drew water for us and watered the flock.”’
So, Moses tries to help his people and ends up fleeing Egypt to save his own life. He had thought was he was going to deliver a nation. His had a grand scheme for how he would deliver his people. But God had different plans. Instead of delivering a nation, God presents Moses with the opportunity to save a priest’s daughters from harm. It wasn’t what Moses had pictured, but he stands up and does it anyway.
Moses is then invited to stay with the priest, marries one of his daughters, and establishes his life there in Midian. I think we all know what comes next: God knows the Israelites are still enslaved in Egypt and He calls Moses to be the one that goes to Pharaoh and ask that the Israelites be freed. Moses is given a chance to be the deliverer of his people one again. Only this time, he does so in accordance with God’s plans and achieves a much greater outcome.
So, what do we do when God is prompting us to get to know our neighbor? It may not be what we had in mind, it may not be the grand scheme we had pictured. But stand up and do it anyway. You may (and probably will) find out that God had a reason that prompting. Maybe your neighbor is going through a financially difficult time and doesn’t have enough to make ends meet. He has put on the façade that everything is alright. But, when you took the time to get to know them, you learned that your plan to feed the hungry across the globe can begin right next door.
Monday, March 9, 2009
another page turns.
One week ago today I celebrated my 22nd birthday. I am fully aware that this is by no means old, but it does cause me to pause and reflect, as I think many people do anytime they reach some sort of milestone in their life. So, as I’ve thought about the last year, the time since my last birthday, I’ve realized much has happened in what seems like so little time. It’s still hard to believe another year has come and gone. Here are just some of the highlights and/or significant events of my last year:
Last spring was my last semester living on campus or in a dorm. Part of me still misses having my friends living around me or being able to conveniently walk around campus, but I wouldn’t go back (not that I even could). This leads to my next highlight: moving into my first apartment. That was an experience filled with its own highs and lows, but I did enjoy it overall. Also, it was also lovely to have cable television again…rabbit ears just aren’t the same :)
After living at that apartment for just one semester, we opted to move out and into a new apartment. I enjoy having my own room again…well worth the extra money! The first apartment was good, but this new one is so much nicer (minus the smokers that surround us). The downside to all of this was moving my stuff in, out and around too many times…
One of my favorite highlights was getting to fly up to Washington (my first solo trip!) and visit Caitlin and other friends from school. One weekend was just too short and I am hoping to make it up there again soon! It was fun to hang out in Seattle for an afternoon, hit the high points, and then drive up to Bellingham for the rest of the weekend.
I graduated from Biola in December…I just haven’t walked yet! It’s crazy that I actually made it through in 3 ½ years and am a college graduate. I still don’t really think of myself as a grad student, not unless someone asks me how my classes are going. That’s usually when I remember that I only have one! I actually don’t remember how I used to always be doing homework (literally always) and never have any free time. My current situation is about as opposite from that as possible…and I’m not complaining…
Last spring and this spring I have been fortunate enough to work in a church nursery on Wednesday mornings. I love spending those few hours a week with preschoolers...they are fun and hilarious...they really do say the funniest things! One little boy draws me a picture almost every week. As I was leaving this last week he ran after me and said I could not leave until I he gave me a hug :) (ok, so that doesn’t fall into the category of last year, but it was related…)
Last fall I was able to take Jesus’ Life and Ministry, which was a lot of work, but I learned so much. Reflecting on my experience, I think that it was probably my favorite class in my whole time at Biola. The things we learned were, in some ways, things I already knew: events of Jesus’ life and ministry. I think my favorite part was Dr. Lunde’s focus on how this information should not just be head knowledge, but literally transforming our lives. It challenged me, that’s for sure!
Another of my favorite highlights was my decision to sponsor four children through Compassion International. For many years my heart has gone out to those living in extreme poverty (as these children and too many others are), but I always felt like there was nothing I could do about it. The more I thought about that, the Lord laid sponsorship on my heart. It took me a while to realize the obvious: changing even one life, allowing even one child to be released from poverty, was something that I could actually do.
In October, I met some of my 2nd cousins Gabrielle, Ben, and Samantha for the first time, as well as see my cousin again (they all live in France). They were so cute, fun to play with, and we got along right from the start. I taught the two oldest how to play Monopoly…and then we played…twice...That’s a long, tiring game to play twice in one night! Samantha, the youngest, was so cute and wanted to do the same thing the rest of us were doing. She would follow me around the house and I let her be the spinner for Twister…very entertaining :)
Last fall I was also able to take Beginning Bowling as one of my PE classes. It was fun, hilarious at times, and I actually learned to be a decent bowler…I think my high score of the semester was 160 (or right around that…it’s been a few months :) ). The worst thing is that I usually start out awesome, but by the end of the second or third game I look like I’ve never bowled before. I got a Turkey, too (3 strikes in a row)! Well, I actually got two, but the first was during warm up one day before class actually started, so it didn’t count for anything…too bad! The second one, though, was awesome! I got it in the last frame of the last game on the last class of the semester…it wasn’t enough to win, but it was definitely a personal victory and the best way to end the semester!
So many things have happened over this last year, so many changes have taken place. As I look forward into this next year all I see are even more significant events. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes I’m excited, and sometimes I just don’t know what to think! It’s easy to say that I’m thankful for everything that has taken place, but I truly am because every challenge and circumstance has brought me to where I am today. I’m excited for what’s to come...
Last spring was my last semester living on campus or in a dorm. Part of me still misses having my friends living around me or being able to conveniently walk around campus, but I wouldn’t go back (not that I even could). This leads to my next highlight: moving into my first apartment. That was an experience filled with its own highs and lows, but I did enjoy it overall. Also, it was also lovely to have cable television again…rabbit ears just aren’t the same :)
After living at that apartment for just one semester, we opted to move out and into a new apartment. I enjoy having my own room again…well worth the extra money! The first apartment was good, but this new one is so much nicer (minus the smokers that surround us). The downside to all of this was moving my stuff in, out and around too many times…
One of my favorite highlights was getting to fly up to Washington (my first solo trip!) and visit Caitlin and other friends from school. One weekend was just too short and I am hoping to make it up there again soon! It was fun to hang out in Seattle for an afternoon, hit the high points, and then drive up to Bellingham for the rest of the weekend.
I graduated from Biola in December…I just haven’t walked yet! It’s crazy that I actually made it through in 3 ½ years and am a college graduate. I still don’t really think of myself as a grad student, not unless someone asks me how my classes are going. That’s usually when I remember that I only have one! I actually don’t remember how I used to always be doing homework (literally always) and never have any free time. My current situation is about as opposite from that as possible…and I’m not complaining…
Last spring and this spring I have been fortunate enough to work in a church nursery on Wednesday mornings. I love spending those few hours a week with preschoolers...they are fun and hilarious...they really do say the funniest things! One little boy draws me a picture almost every week. As I was leaving this last week he ran after me and said I could not leave until I he gave me a hug :) (ok, so that doesn’t fall into the category of last year, but it was related…)
Last fall I was able to take Jesus’ Life and Ministry, which was a lot of work, but I learned so much. Reflecting on my experience, I think that it was probably my favorite class in my whole time at Biola. The things we learned were, in some ways, things I already knew: events of Jesus’ life and ministry. I think my favorite part was Dr. Lunde’s focus on how this information should not just be head knowledge, but literally transforming our lives. It challenged me, that’s for sure!
Another of my favorite highlights was my decision to sponsor four children through Compassion International. For many years my heart has gone out to those living in extreme poverty (as these children and too many others are), but I always felt like there was nothing I could do about it. The more I thought about that, the Lord laid sponsorship on my heart. It took me a while to realize the obvious: changing even one life, allowing even one child to be released from poverty, was something that I could actually do.
In October, I met some of my 2nd cousins Gabrielle, Ben, and Samantha for the first time, as well as see my cousin again (they all live in France). They were so cute, fun to play with, and we got along right from the start. I taught the two oldest how to play Monopoly…and then we played…twice...That’s a long, tiring game to play twice in one night! Samantha, the youngest, was so cute and wanted to do the same thing the rest of us were doing. She would follow me around the house and I let her be the spinner for Twister…very entertaining :)
Last fall I was also able to take Beginning Bowling as one of my PE classes. It was fun, hilarious at times, and I actually learned to be a decent bowler…I think my high score of the semester was 160 (or right around that…it’s been a few months :) ). The worst thing is that I usually start out awesome, but by the end of the second or third game I look like I’ve never bowled before. I got a Turkey, too (3 strikes in a row)! Well, I actually got two, but the first was during warm up one day before class actually started, so it didn’t count for anything…too bad! The second one, though, was awesome! I got it in the last frame of the last game on the last class of the semester…it wasn’t enough to win, but it was definitely a personal victory and the best way to end the semester!
So many things have happened over this last year, so many changes have taken place. As I look forward into this next year all I see are even more significant events. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes I’m excited, and sometimes I just don’t know what to think! It’s easy to say that I’m thankful for everything that has taken place, but I truly am because every challenge and circumstance has brought me to where I am today. I’m excited for what’s to come...
Monday, February 16, 2009
disappointed dreams.
Life’s interesting, isn’t it? The things we plan don’t always happen. The life we dream doesn’t always come true. Growing up I had the typical plans for my life: go to college, get married, get my dream job, have kids, etc. Somewhere along the way, I think something has changed. Sure, I went to college. Check that one off the list. But what about the rest of those things I dreamed about? None of them are within my reach. To some degree, this disappoints me. Was there something wrong with my dreams? Are they ever going to come true?
I think the greatest thing I’m learning through my disappointed dreams is that God is in control. And, because of that, I’m convinced that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. It is so much easier to say that life isn’t going my way, that I need to do something about it. But if I truly believe that God is sovereign, completely in control of my life, then why do I doubt that my dreams will never come true? I’ve prayed that if my dreams aren’t going to happen then God should take away those desires in my heart. And He hasn’t. Not yet, anyway. And so, I’m convinced that God has a plan for my life. Somewhere down the road (not too far in the future if I have any say) those dreams are all going to come true. So really, my struggle is to trust in God, to follow His lead, to submit to His will. That’s so much easier said than done.
I think that God can use absolutely anything to speak to us, to get our attention. I was driving home last weekend with my country playlist on my iPod playing. It’s one I have listened to many times, but I think this particular time was the first time I have heard myself in one of the songs. Actually, I felt like I was listening to the song for the first time, understanding the lyrics in a whole new way. The song playing was “One Day You Will” by Lady Antebellum (one of my favorite bands!). Here are the lyrics:
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
Isn't life interesting? And isn't God amazing?
I think the greatest thing I’m learning through my disappointed dreams is that God is in control. And, because of that, I’m convinced that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. It is so much easier to say that life isn’t going my way, that I need to do something about it. But if I truly believe that God is sovereign, completely in control of my life, then why do I doubt that my dreams will never come true? I’ve prayed that if my dreams aren’t going to happen then God should take away those desires in my heart. And He hasn’t. Not yet, anyway. And so, I’m convinced that God has a plan for my life. Somewhere down the road (not too far in the future if I have any say) those dreams are all going to come true. So really, my struggle is to trust in God, to follow His lead, to submit to His will. That’s so much easier said than done.
I think that God can use absolutely anything to speak to us, to get our attention. I was driving home last weekend with my country playlist on my iPod playing. It’s one I have listened to many times, but I think this particular time was the first time I have heard myself in one of the songs. Actually, I felt like I was listening to the song for the first time, understanding the lyrics in a whole new way. The song playing was “One Day You Will” by Lady Antebellum (one of my favorite bands!). Here are the lyrics:
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
Isn't life interesting? And isn't God amazing?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
something to say.
I often keep my thoughts to myself, but there are a lot of things I want to say. I think there are a lot of things that people don't really know about me. That's why I've created this blog: to share my thoughts and ideas, moments when I'm inspired, and maybe even my failings...
Enjoy reading as I share my journey through life...
Enjoy reading as I share my journey through life...
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