looking up.

I am thankful for my health, a job, and the many blessings that I have been given.  I am thankful that we have a God who listens, cares, and answers prayers.  Sometimes the answer isn't always what we want to hear, or simply a "not yet."  I'm still not sure what the answer to my prayers will be, but I am nevertheless thankful.

The reason I am so thankful: Papa was released from the hospital on Friday.  He made it to my aunt's house sometime Friday afternoon and they got him settled there.  A hospital bed has been rented, oxygen tanks are in supply, and rails have been installed around the toilet.  Still, Papa is home and slowly, slowly getting better.  Friday didn't see much improvement, as he was still unable to walk unassisted and eat very much.  Saturday, though, things began to change.  My dad and I travelled down on Saturday morning with my grandma in tow, taking her back down after her quick trip home to get a few things taken care of.  Anyway, we arrived at my aunt's house around 11am.  Papa was sleepy, but awake and talking.  We got him to eat a cup of tapioca pudding...small steps!  I sat next to him on his bed, held his hand, and visited with him for awhile.  After not too long, he fell asleep, still holding on to my hand.  Unsure of how long he would sleep, I felt obligated to sit there, especially since he was gripping my hand.  My cousin and I chatted with the US v. Ghana World Cup game on in the background.  As it neared lunch time, I finally slipped my hand out of his in order to go get lunch going for everyone.  As we were eating a quick lunch of sandwiches, a nurse came to evaluate Papa for home care assistance.  Awhile later, the nurse left, and we were able to get Papa to eat a half of a sandwich and a small rootbeer float.  Of course, the rootbeer float was a bit of bribe to get him to eat the sandwich.  But, hey, it worked!  I think that this was the most he has eaten in a couple of weeks.  Since he has eaten so little, his body is quite weak. 

I should mention that before he left the hospital, the neurologist prescribed and started him on an anti-seizure medication.  All of the misfirings that were taking place in his brain were essentially tiny seizures.  It seems that over the course of the weekend Papa has continued to gain strength.  Saturday my dad and aunt had to help him to the toilet, as well as help him take a shower.  As of yesterday or today, Papa is now able to get out of bed on his own, as well as make it to the bathroom.  What a vast improvement over a couple of days ago!

Even more encouraging news is that Papa has an appointment for next Monday to see the neurologist/hydrocephalus specialist at UCLA.  We thought it would be at least 2 weeks before he was able to get in there!

Like I said before, we still don't know what exactly the answer to our prayer is just yet.  Whatever it may be, though, the improvements we are seeing are encouraging and I am so thankful!
Please continue to pray for a continued recovery, as well as wisdom for the doctors to find the problems and solutions needed.

full time.

Today I am thankful for Pandora, air conditioning, and caffeine.  In other words, I'm now working full time in a very quiet office.  In fact, I'm the only in here right now (don't worry, it's lunch time...I would never blog when I'm supposed to be working).  The phone doesn't ring very often, and even when it does it's often my mom.  The company she works for is partners in the company I'm working for right now.  I work for her company too, though, so it all gets very confusing to explain.  Anyhow, the work is not terribly stimulating, so I am very thankful that I have a little caffeine and Pandora to listen to as I work.  Also, it's awfully hot outside and the a/c in the other room isn't working properly, so I'm glad to be sitting where I am.

In other news, I think my aunt is planning to stay with us indefinitely.  Which is ok, really.  Her plans keep changing, and I don't think she has anything figured out right now.  She is going through a really hard time and she doesn't know the Lord, so please keep her in your prayers.

Now, for an update on Papa.  He was supposed to be released from the hospital on Tuesday.  In fact, they got as far as dressing him to go home.  While he was dressing, though, he started speaking gibberish and having a hard time.  He hadn't done anything like that in the hospital, so they were afraid that he had had a stroke or perhaps had a blood clot.  They ran tests and such, but as it turns out, it was probably the physical exertion that caused it, again misfirings in the brain due to the hydrocephalus.  So, long story short, he's still in the hospital.  Today is his birthday, so my dad is headed down soon to see him and the family that's still there.  The news we received this morning is that they did some sort of EEG on Papa and they could see the misfirings taking place in his brain.  The good news is that there is some medication that can help with that.  The next steps are unknown, though.  We are trying to get him in to see a specialist at UCLA (Too bad it's not USC, but even we can get past this for Papa's sake).  From there, there are two likely things that could happen.  The first is that Papa will, indeed, be a candidate for a shunt to drain the fluid from his brain.  The second, though is that the misfirings are happening because of degeneration in his brain.  If that's the case, there isn't much that can be done beyond medication.  However, if he does need the shunt, the surgery will be very difficult on him in such a weakened state.  Please join us in continued prayer as we try to find a solution.  We've still got a long road ahead of us, I'm sure, and this is all so hard on my grandma too. 

Actually, one of the hardest things to watch about this whole thing is the fact that Papa is coherent most of the time and can function fine.  In the case of him getting dressed to go home, after he started speaking gibberish, I can imagine they got him right back into the bed.  When they could understand what he was saying again, he said, "Did I do something wrong?"  It just breaks my heart.  Even this morning he was unable to figure out how to walk so he could go to the bathroom.  My uncle had to coach him through moving one leg and then the other.  As much as we want to see him out of the hospital and at least back at my aunt's house, we are cautioning them against that move.  If he is there and can't remember how to walk or something, someone strong is going to need to be there to help him.  There are just some things my grandma and aunt won't be able to do for him.  I wish I was closer so I could help...

the end of one crazy week.

In my last post, I told you Papa was having the pacemaker surgery on Saturday.  My dad headed down south bright and early Saturday morning to be there in time...only to find out that they rescheduled the surgery for Sunday morning.  The results of the 72 hour test came back showing that he does not need a shunt in the brain to relieve spinal fluid.  The problem now is that he actually does have hydrocephalus, swelling of the ventricles in the brain, but the solution we had is no longer a viable solution.  There is some relief that can come from medication, but not like we had hoped.  Not really the best news.

Sunday morning dawned bright and early again as the family headed down to the hospital again for Father's Day.  Papa had the surgery, which they were just finishing as we arrived at the hospital.  As the day went on, my aunt and uncle from Oregon arrived, my cousin who was visiting Oregon but lives in Iowa came with them, and then around 4. my cousins from Arizona drove in.  It was a miniature family reunion...too bad it came under unfortunate circumstances!  Papa was finally moved out of the ICU after surgery around 7:30pm and was just getting settled into another room around 8.  It was a very long day of sitting in the ICU waiting room, but overall a good one.  We were are thankful to see that Papa made it through the surgery and tolerated everything well.  Such a turnaround from Saturday morning, when he had all but given up hope.  We are hoping he'll be released from the hospital soon, maybe as soon as tomorrow.

Going back to the test results, though.  My dad was looking more into hydrocephalus this morning and read that the test they performed in almost never used anymore because the results are unreliable.  So, we'll see what, if anything, comes of that.

Please continue to pray that we can figure something out. 

a quick update.

No new news on Papa, really, other than the fact that the pacemaker surgery will take place tomorrow rather than today.  They had to do a test to measure the strength of his heart today, even though everybody knows it's weak.  Just a little more red tape to plow through, I suppose.  My sister took the day off work today again and was there to be the calming person amid the rest of the family.  If you know certain members of my family at all, you would know that they get easily excited or riled up about things.  Anyway, Papa was doing better in terms of eating today.  As in, he actually ate a little bit of something.  Other than that, from what I heard, everything else is pretty much the same.  The 24 hour test results from the spinal/brain fluid test (I wish I knew the name!) were inconclusive.  Apparently that's normal to be inconclusive after 24 hours.  I guess that's why they run the test for 3 days instead of 1!
I got a text from Lindsay early this afternoon saying that our cousin, Chris, was being admitted to the hospital because he was in severe pain and they had apparently found blood clots in his lungs and legs.  That's pretty much all I know about his condition right now.  I hope to find out more tomorrow. 

My other cousin, Jason, went to the doctor this afternoon for some sort of shock therapy on his leg that has been numb for weeks.  I think I said it before, but I'm too tired to go check previous posts, he has been extremely dizzy lately to the point of no longer being able to drive.  Unfortunately, his job requires visiting clients and a lot of driving.  So, his wife, Nancy, was the lucky recipient of personal chauffeur for the time being. 

As if ALL of that was not enough, the visit with my aunt here as been interesting, not necessarily in a good way.  We did check out Target today, though, for her to stock up on some good deals she can't find in Switzerland.  We also went to Kohl's in search of a straw purse for summer.  No luck there, although I did find a great deal on sunglasses that are cute and 90% off.  Sweet!  And we had Heidi's sandwiches for lunch, BJ's for dinner, and watermelon sorbet for dessert. 

Despite all of the absolute chaos going on in my life, there are moments where I feel perfectly at peace.  I know that can come from only one source, and so I am absolutely thankful for the peace the Lord is providing to me, and to others in my family, as well.  I am thankful for you prayers, friends, as the journey continues on.  My dad is headed down to be with Papa/the family tomorrow for the pacemaker surgery.  Lindsay will also be there, as she stayed the night at my aunt's house.  Tomorrow for me means taking some friends to catch the airport bus around noon, then heading over to my grandparent's house to do a bit of cleaning with my mom.  As you might imagine, cleaning has been the last thing on my Gramma's mind.

Ok, so maybe that wasn't so quick... 

thursday.

Well, no Thai food last night, despite my cravings. But what we had for dinner was really the least of my worries. I remember the days when it seemed like what I was having for dinner was the biggest decision I had to make all day. Anyhow, my aunt arrived last night, finally to our house around 10 pm. We thought she might get here as early as 8, but decided to go to say hello to her son first. Which was fine, except now we were sitting around waiting until goodness knew when for her to show up...and we were tired! I really wanted to put my pj's on around 7 or so, but I resisted solely for the benefit of our company. My aunt is an interesting person...maybe I'll say more about that later. I was really anxious to see her, and not in an excited sort of way. I realized yesterday that basically the only contact I have had with her in the last 10 years was when she called this past February for my mom's birthday. Oh, and a high school graduation card. With basically no relationship established, things were bound to be slightly awkward. I will say this, though: it really strange when a person hasn't seen you for about 10 years and then comes in, gives you a hug, and acts like it's only been a week or so since we last saw one another. Strange, indeed.

After not being able to fall asleep last night, I woke up bright and early this morning. My mom, our friend Kim, and myself left the house about 8:15 and we headed out of town. We stopped to pick up my sister, and then we were headed to Camarillo. I'd like to say that our trip was purely for unselfish reasons, but we decided to go to the amazing outlet mall there. Let me pause and say that when things were really up in the air about Papa, we cancelled this trip. But, since he is in Ventura, and we were headed to that area, we decided to make it a dual purpose trip and have a little fun. We arrived at the outlet mall around 11:15 and did our best to stimulate the economy. I got a couple of cute, but basic skirts, and some shoes. Just what I needed, right? Everyone else managed to fill up the trunk of my car with their purchases. And, of course, Dad got a couple of Father's Day presents, as well. We had a gourmet lunch of In N Out, and then went right back to shopping. Around 4 or so, my cousin met us at the outlet mall and then we headed out to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital, my aunt met us in the hallway and updated us on Papa's condition. In short, they had done an endoscopy to check for blockage, tumors, polyps, etc. in his GI. He has been having difficulty keeping most foods, and even water, down. While the doctors think that this is due to the whole brain issue, they wanted to make sure they weren't just attributing the symptoms to that when, in fact, there really was something else going on. The good news is it came back completely clear. However, when he was coming out of the anesthesia, he was having all sorts of hallucinations. This is where we entered. After receiving a quick update in the hall, we ventured in to the room. By now, Papa was becoming clearer by the minute as the medicine continued to wear off. I was thankful for that because it was especially upsetting to Gramma and my aunt to see him like that. He recognized us all as we came into the room, and did his best to converse, most of which consisted of us talking to him. He became more and more lucid, though, and even cracked a joke as time went on.

Now we play the waiting game. Tomorrow we should know a little more definitively about whether or not he has the blockage in his brain and if/when surgery will be. Also tomorrow, they are planning to put in a fibrillator/pace maker on his heart. The upper chamber of his heart is in constant fibrillation, and if anything were to happen to the lower chamber, he stands little to no chance of surviving. So it was decided that the pacemaker would help strengthen his heart in general, but would be beneficial for whatever surgery lies in the future. We continue to pray that God would heal him completely. If He's not going to do that, though, we pray that this test they are doing (looking for traceable agents throughout his body) will show definitively that there is blockage. The doctors are quite confident that this is the problem, but can't proceed without these results.

Sorry to belabor on about Papa, but it's obviously a huge part of what's going on in my life right now.

In other news:
We finally arrived home around 9:15 to find my aunt laying in bed (she apparently spent the whole day in bed/on her computer). After giving her a quick update on Papa, she told us the latest happening with her son, Jason. About a month ago he was in a offroad motorcycle accident. He had a cracked sternum, cracked ribs, and a mild concussion. Since then, he has been in pain, but the most pronounced problem was his left leg feeling numb all of the time. He has been to the doctor multiple times, but today it was decided, I think after x-rays and the whole bit, that the problem doesn't appear to be with his leg, but actually in his brain, probably as a result of the concussion. He went to the neurologist today, but we haven't heard any news since then. Really? Please tell me the chances of two family members, albeit different sides of the family, having issues with brain injuries?

Your prayers are much appreciated! I'm off to bed now after a long day...

since monday.

On Monday Papa went to the neurologist to have some body imaging and brain scans completed to see if they could find anything. As it turns out, the radiologist (I think) said that it looks like he has Adult On Set Hydroencephalitis. Basically, this means that the vessels in his brain have swelled with liquid and won't release that liquid like they are supposed to. Since, as we all know, the brain controls the functions of the rest of the body, this affects the rest of his bodily functions. Based on what I/we have been told, this condition is fixable via placing a shunt in the brain to control the swelling of fluid. It was decided on Tuesday that Papa's condition was continuing to deteriorate and it would be in his best interest to be admitted to the hospital. Without doing this, the first available appointment he could get for surgery would be, at best, two to three weeks. In this hospital, it could happen almost immediately. So, my parents and I prepared here to be able to drop things and rush down there whenever he goes into surgery. We cancelled multiple plans, I did a few loads of laundry, and put out extra food for the animals in case we had to leave suddenly. We were all on edge waiting for the phone call.

The neurologist stopped by the hospital yesterday in order to confirm the diagnosis of hydroencephalitis. However, he was unable to do so because, while Papa is showing numerous symptoms of this, he is missing one, which is a distinct gait while walking. My comment to this was that he was barely walking because he is so weak. But, not wanting to do surgery unnecessarily, the neurologist decided that they would do a spinal tap today and insert some traceable fluids into his body. If the fluid shows up anywhere in his body besides his brain, then we know that the vessels are blocked. Unfortunately for him, the test takes three days to complete. It was done today, so we should have results Friday or Saturday. The good news for us, I guess, is that it removed some of the wait-for-the-drop-everything-and-rush-down-here-to-surgery phone call. Now, the earliest he will go into surgery, based on the test results of course, will be early next week.

One of the plans we cancelled was the fact that my mom and I were supposed to pick up her sister at LAX this afternoon. I can't say we were terribly sorry to pass that duty on to my cousin, especially since her flight arrived around 4:30 pm. Not the most fun time to try to leave LAX. We estimate her arrival here will be around 8 pm.

Today was full of errands for me. I went to the mall for a quick errand, and then spent almost 2 hours in Target trying to find bridal and baby shower gifts. The problem was that the store had almost nothing on the registries...always fun! After I got home, I cleaned up my room some more, trying to make it look at least presentable for the company arriving. I'm not sure what's for dinner, but I've been craving Thai food...

whirlwind.

Lately life has been a flurry of events. Thursday, Papa had an appointment with a local cardiologist. He was doing pretty well, considering he hasn't been feeling well. As Thursday and Friday progressed, it was clear that his condition was inexplicably declining almost hour by hour. It was decided that he should be taken down to my aunt and uncle's house in case his condition worsened and he needed to be hospitalized. He hasn't yet, thank the Lord, but at least he is down there. Anyhow, on the trip down he was almost unresponsive to my dad, awake, but not really coherently there. Almost as soon as they arrived at my aunt's house, something switched and he was like his old self, conversing, telling stories, cracking jokes, eating better than he has in weeks, etc. The whole thing is puzzling, even to the doctors. After a few hours, though, he was back to acting like some "triggers" in his brain were missing. When given food, he would sit there like he wasn't sure what to do. He had a hard time getting his socks and shoes on. He just wasn't acting like himself. Yesterday was much of the same.

Meanwhile, on Saturday my parents, sister, and I went over to my Gramma's house to have dinner with her and help her clean a little and get packed. Sunday, my parents and I picked up my Gramma around 9:30 and we headed over to the coast. We stopped in Cambria for lunch, and then drove to Morro Bay, where their house is. We were there for about 1.5 hours, and in that time we tackled the weeds in the front yard that had been growing for months. We left there at 3:00 and then headed down to the Ventura area, where my aunt's house is. That trip only took us a little over 3 hours. Anyhow, we got there, unloaded my Gramma, had a quick dinner, and then we hit the road again, this time back home. As we arrived back in town, my dad needed to stop at one of his client's offices, so my mom and I dropped him off and we went to the grocery store for milk and a few other items. We finally arrived home at 10 pm to a sweltering house. It was 95 degrees yesterday, so the house, at least upstairs, was 88 degrees when we got home. Too hot to sleep, that's for sure! I quickly changed into my pajamas and got ready for bed. I was exhausted after a long trip in the car. The official total was 449 miles and 13 hours. What a day!

In the past week, I've been working hard to finally get my closet and room cleaned up. I am happy to report that the closet has made a big improvement. In fact, you can almost walk through the parts you are supposed to be able to walk through. The project will continue on tonight and throughout the week. As soon as I get much of the crap off the floor in my room, I'm planning to rearrange some of the furniture in my room. After it's all done, I hope to post some pictures.

On top of all of this, my aunt (mom's sister), whom we have had little contact with in the recent past is going to be staying with us. She was supposed to arrive next Saturday, but rescheduled her flight to arrive on Wednesday afternoon instead. So, my mom and I get to head to LAX on Wednesday afternoon to pick her up. She is 8 years older than my mom, and have had little relationship most of their lives, not from lack of trying on my mom's end. So, it should be an interesting visit. We don't know how long she's staying exactly, either. On top of everything going on with Papa, this has been an added stress on all of my family, but especially my mom.

You might not have noticed, but I have somewhat conveniently been ignoring an update on my plan to read through the Bible this year. I'm sorry to report that awhile back I gradually slowed my reading until it came to an altogether stop. I let the busyness of life get in the way, mostly as an excuse to make myself feel better, I'm sure. However, I am happy to report that about a week ago I began reading again. And I am determined to not only read everyday, but to read a day or two's worth in order to catch up to the place I should have been at this point. Obviously, "this point" changes every day, so I'm hoping to catch up as quickly as possible. I would rather not mention how long I "took a break," but catching up is somewhat of a daunting task.

I think that's a pretty good recap of the whirlwind I've been experiencing. And I'm afraid that this is just the beginning.