journey [jur-nee] noun. 1. a traveling from one place to another usually taking a rather long time. 2. a period of travel. 3. passage or progress from one stage to another.
Here's the story of how I came to be in the place that I am now:
It all goes back to more than a few years ago, to my years in high school. I felt like I could change the world. I felt like no matter what I did, my life would make a difference to others. What I never did admit to myself, though, was that one of my greatest fears is that my life would be a waste and that nothing I did ever really mattered.
So, I poured myself into school, because I've always been of the mind that education is truly important. (That might just be one of the reasons I pursued teaching...) My load of AP and Honors classes, along with the hours that piano lessons required, was just about all I could handle. Somewhere along the way, I realized that, while what I was doing was important for my future, I wasn't really spending any time caring about others. So, by the time my senior year of high school rolled around, I had quit piano lessons and gotten much more involved with my youth group at church. It was also my third year of going to Mexico on a missions trip to build houses for families in need. If you rewind back to my freshman year, I was fearful of going, of being uncomfortable, and of putting myself into a situation I just wasn't sure about. God changed my heart and my attitude by my sophomore year and, while I was nervous about going, I was no longer paralyzed by my fears.
My senior year ended and I was headed off to Biola. I have no doubt that that was the right move for me and the exact direction that God was leading me. You may not know that that was the only college I applied to. I wasn't just confident that I would be accepted, but I felt like that was exactly where I was supposed to go. My college experience was great, filled with it's own set of ups and downs. Again I poured myself into my studies, with social times taking second priority in my life. I thought about going on missions trips, but never actually went. Looking back, I'm not sure if I just was not listening, or if God really did never call me to go on a trip. Honestly, I think it's the latter of the two, but I can't be so sure.
I distinctly remember sitting in chapel one day, when it was, I don't know. Who the speaker was, I'm not really sure. But I remember what he said. He said that Christians make all kinds of excuses to not act. Usually the excuse is that I need to get right with God and be sinless in order for me to do His work. How could someone as unrighteous as I am do the work that needs to be done? So, we make excuses for our inaction. And, at some point, we allow our fears to take over and never actually live.
So, how did it happen that I'm going to Eastern Europe this January? Well, simply put, God changed my heart. I knew a number of people that had gone on missions trips this past summer and I remember saying to God, "Have you really not called me? Do you really not want me to go?" But, as I came to find out, that wasn't really the problem. I don't think I was ever really open to going before. My excuse for inaction, as legitimate as it was, was that I had to work.
Well, God really does break down barriers, because as it turns out, my schedule is pretty darn flexible with the work I have substitute teaching. And, I distinctly remember praying one night that I would be willing to go if that's what He wanted. It wouldn't necessarily be easy for me, but I would go. And, as it turns out, the very next day in church was the day I found out about Slovenia. It couldn't just be a coincidence, could it? I sure didn't think so!
But, even still, I had school to think about. I was planning to take a course during January for three weeks. The trip and the course were going to overlap by a couple of days, so I emailed the professor that I knew was teaching it and asked if it would be possible for him to work with me to finish up early. His reply was that the course was no longer going to be offered during the January interterm session. Well, I took that as a pretty clear answer that no excuses were going to get in my way this time.
So, I stepped out in faith, knowing that the God who has called me to go on this trip has great plans for me. My dream to make a difference (or, if I'm being realistic, my fear of not making a difference) is being complete. I see this trip as a significant shift in my openness to going where God has called me to go.
I know that God has me where I am for a purpose. It's always nice to see the confirmation, though, of knowing that I am right where I am for a reason. If something had been different, like the class was being offered, or I had a full time teaching job, or any other number of factors, I probably would not have taken the step to go on this trip.
All I have left to say (at least this time) is that I pray you are open to see what God has in store for your own life. It might be something small, but His purposes are far greater than we ever know.
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