two excuses and one reason.

Yet again, it seems as though I've taken an unplanned hiatus from blogging. I always intend to get on and write, but we all can see how well that's worked out. I'm setting a goal to post at least one weekly update. Maybe I can stick to that. Time will tell, right?

I can identify at least two distinct factors that have contributed to this latest break. The first of which is that I have been a lot busier subbing. So far in May, I've subbed at least a half day on 9 out of 11 school days. What a huge difference from my last report! On top of that, my other currently-part-time-that-will-be-full-time-this-summer job doing data entry for the company my mom works for has been keeping me a bit busier, as well. No complaints here as far as the paycheck goes. And as much as I need the money, a small part of me resents the fact that I am so busy. If I'm being honest, I think it's because 1) I've become a bit lazy in the lifestyle I've grown accustomed to in the past few months and 2) I look ahead into the future and see very few "lazy" days left. I'm going to be working a full-time, 9-5 job this summer, and then I intend to go back to school in the fall, as well as continue to substitute teach. So, when I think of all that, I guess I'm just basking in my last few lazy days until around the house doing "not a whole lot" (my standard answer when I asked "What did you do today?").

The other factor in my lack of blogging is that the internet at my house was barely/not working. At times it would take about 10 minutes to maybe load a page. Forget about watching any of the tv shows I typically watch during my days of nothing. Not that I have had many of those recently, but you get the point. Anyway, slow and inconsistent internet is nothing short of irritating. I'm thankful for my iphone, where I could at least check my email, Facebook, etc. It's much too much effort to type too much on there, though, hence the lack of blogging.

Ok, those are my excuses. Now, the real reason is that I just don't always know what to say. I typically thing of my days as inconsequential, with nothing much to report. I haven't even had very many good stories from subbing. (I do have a few that need to be shared...so look for that post soon!) I mean, what's the point of subbing if you aren't going to get any good stories? So, as soon as I figure out what to say, I'll let you know.

decision time.

When I moved home last December after finishing student teaching, I had the distinct feeling that whatever move I made would determine my future, at least in part. When I last wrote, I was wrestling with the decision of what comes next. And I have an even greater sense that what I decide now will, indeed, determine the path I take.

When I think of it that way, it scares me to death that I might be making the wrong choice. But I have, for now, decided to return to school to get my Master's in Teaching. The decision seems to make the most logical sense. But, as I think we all know, the most obvious decision is not always the right one. So my prayer has been for God to open all the doors if it's the right move, or to close them and make it apparent to me that I need to pursue something different.

And, so far, all of the doors have been standing wide open. As it turns out, I was able to fill out an application for readmission to Biola, which was processed quickly, I've paid my enrollment deposit, and have preregistered for classes. I'm planning to take three courses this fall, but I have a spot in five different classes right now because I'm not sure which to take first. I have a phone appointment next Monday afternoon with someone from the School of Education, so I hope to have a better idea of what my program will look like after that meeting.

Since I've made this decision, I've been wrestling with the thought of returning to school. If you had asked me a month ago what I would be doing come fall, the words "going back to school" would have never come out of my mouth. I was so tired of school at the end of December, that the thought of continuing on at that time was absolutely out of the question. The idea of doing homework and having mounds of reading to do and papers to write still overwhelms me a bit. But, I've done it before, and I know I can do it again. I feel that God gave me this semester as a period of rest. Working part-time, making enough to pay (some of) the bills, but having some time off too, to relax and do a bit of nothing for a change. I also think its been a valuable time of making connections in the districts I am working in now.

All of that said, I'm thankful to have the opportunity of going back to school that many people never do. I have the luxury of living at home, having few expenses (although more are to come when I start making real money), and returning to school with the encouragement of my parents. I may as well make the most of this opportunity!

dynamic.

My life is static.

I spend my days doing the same things, over and over again. Nothing really changes.

The problem is not so much that I have nothing to do. I keep myself busy enough, some days more than others. However, I feel like I could or should be doing so much more with my life.

So there lies the real problem. I think my life is static because I don't know which direction to begin moving.

Realistically, I won't be finding a full-time position, at least not in teaching, come fall. I'm sure I could get a job doing something else, but I feel like that is giving up on teaching without ever really getting a chance to begin.

So, do I go back to school? Get my M.A.? Do something else entirely? Is it a waste of time to get a Masters in Teaching if I can't find a teaching job? There are a number of options to consider...or rather, three:

The first is go back to/continue at Biola. A Masters is 30 units, and I have already completed 12 of those in my student teaching. I can complete 9 units on campus, and then an additional 9 units online. So, it would really only require me to be back down there for a semester full-time. But, do I want to move back down? I could commute one day a week, but that would draw the 2 semester completion time out to more like 4.

The second option is to complete another program that is online. The one I think I would consider most is the MAT program at USC. I've looked at it a little bit, but I don't know much about it. The upside of this is that I could stay home and complete it. The downside is the fact that the 12 units of student teaching I've completed will count for nothing (at least to my current understanding).

The third option is to complete a local program, such as Cal State (definitely not my first choice), or an extension program through a school like Fresno Pacific or Point Loma. I'm actually not positive of all of the local programs, but I'm still pretty sure that those 12 units would not transfer.

Those, of course, are just the options to pursue my Masters. If I do continue teaching, I'll eventually get my Masters. So why not now? I have also considered going to school for an alternate career path. What would that be? I have no idea. Business/Accounting? Single-subject credential? Something else?

That's what is going on in my head. The more time that passes, the more I feel the need to do something. I do know that whatever I choose, I need my life to be dynamic. Moving forward. Accomplishing something.

Prayers would be appreciated.

taking a break.

I've been thinking about writing for the last two weeks. But thinking is as far as I have gotten. The last week of March/beginning of April was Spring Break for the elementary schools here, which naturally means I got the week off from subbing. I had few plans, most of which consisted of working for my mom, catching up on some TV shows, and reading. Pretty exciting, huh? Yeah...hence the reason I haven't written.

Last week turned into an unexpected extension of Spring Break. I didn't receive any calls to sub all week. I assume since the teachers had a week off, they figured they could work a week. Since I didn't know I would have the week off again, I had no plans, which led to me doing basically nothing all week again.

On the upside, I finally started to clean up my pit of a room. It was fairly clean at one point since I've been home, but quickly accumulated more junk. I've still got a long way to go to get the room clean, but that's nothing compared to the closet I need to clean out. Four and a half years of moving between home and school led me to stash unnecessary things in my closet, thinking I would get to it later. Well, now is later, and now it's a bit overwhelming. I'm trying to clean a little everyday...we'll see how it goes. Even if I only put a few things away, it's progress, right?

Well, the tradition continues on today, with still no calls to sub. I'm just continuing to trust that I'll work again, hopefully one day soon. Sorry for the boring post...it definitely sums up my past two weeks...

provision.

Let me take a break from recapping my days of substitute teaching to talk a little about how I actually feel about subbing. To sum it up, I have completely mixed emotions and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Ok...let me explain.

In theory it sounds perfect...or close to it, anyway. You don't have to work all day, or all week for that matter, you don't have to plan anything, you usually get to do fun things with the kids, etc. So what's the problem? Well, one of the things I enjoy most in life is organizing and planning. You would never know it by the state of my room right now, but I really like things organized. I like to be able to plan ahead. I like going to bed knowing what time I'll wake up the next morning, or what the next day holds. In the world of substitute teaching, you are pretty much at the beck and call (literally) of the schools. You never know when work is coming, so planning ahead is nonexistent.

I always have my cell phone with me when I do places, but around the house, if I leave it upstairs all evening, so be it. Not so anymore. I literally have to chain my cell phone to my hand. The problem with most of the districts I've signed up with is that they use an automated system. So, if you miss the call, you also miss your opportunity for a job. I now affectionately refer to my phone as my "ball and chain." I don't go anywhere without it now. And I don't really like that feeling. One good thing about the automated systems is that they have specific calling times. For future jobs, it's 6-10 pm. For jobs that day, they begin calling at 5am. That is one hour I am not willing to wake up. I just pray that I never get a call before 6. Tuesday they cut it close by calling at 6:01 am. There is one district I work for, though, that does not have an automated system and can, therefore, call at any time. They just like to keep me on my toes, I guess.

It's not all bad, though, because most days I actually enjoy the work. And it usually isn't that hard, which is always nice. And maybe the best (but still difficult) lesson I have learned, or really am learning now, is how to trust in the Lord's provision. I know that He will provide all that I need, when I need it. I guess I just need to remember that.

sunflowers.

Do you like the blog design? I took the picture myself a couple of years ago, and it's still one of my favorites.

tales of substitute teaching.

Two weeks ago yesterday marked my first day as a substitute teacher. Since then, I have worked a whopping total of 3 full days and 4 half days. I'll blog more about my feelings toward subbing later, but first, let's get to the stories.


I was assigned to sub in a Kindergarten class my first two days. I arrived Tuesday morning, bright and early, and learned that the class I was subbing for had a student teacher. Unsure of where she was in the program, I did not want to assume that I did not have to teach. Upon meeting her, though, I learned that she was teaching full time and I was merely there for legal purposes as a supervisor. So, my first day of substitute teaching, and I've already had my first student teacher! The morning went by uneventfully, and I was actually a little bored of just roaming around the class and helping as needed. Lunch came and I went to the teacher's lounge to eat. There were a number of teachers and staff members in there, but I spoke to only a few teachers near me. Another Kindergarten teacher (who had been a big help to me when I first arrived and there was question of whether the student teacher was going to be there) sat next to me. With about 10 minutes left of lunch, I was just getting ready to head back to the classroom. All of a sudden the teacher next to me began choking on a piece of orange, quietly at first, then quickly turning into a violent choking and she could no longer breathe. Thankfully, there was another person standing right next to her, who then began to do the Heimlich Manuever on her. After what felt like about 5 minutes, but in reality was about 20 seconds, the orange dislodged from her throat and she was able to breathe again. Everyone was slightly in shock of what had just happened. I went back to the classroom just as the student teacher was bringing in the students. About 5 minutes later, the school secretary came into the classroom and asked me to take over the other Kindergarten class so the teacher could go home. I was given about 10 minutes while the class was entertained by the third Kindergarten teacher to figure out what on earth I was going to do with the class for the next 2 hours and 15 minutes. I found what I thought was the math worksheet for that day, as well as a few other worksheet activities that would keep them occupied for awhile. The class was interesting, to say the least, but I made it through without killing any children. ;) I was thankful to have one of the moms come into the class that normally volunteers in the morning to help me out. She especially helped when it came to dismissal time and helping me to know where each student was supposed to go.

Wednesday I was back in the same Kindergarten class (the original one) and the day was entirely uneventful. The student teacher and I were both surprised to find out we had an assembly to go to that no one had told us about that afternoon. It was nice, though, since it was a whole hour with which we didn't have to do much except make sure the kids stayed in their seats. The funny story of the day: The student teacher was having the kids write answers on their whiteboards and show them to her to check. One little boy held his up at a 45 degree angle and, with a serious expression on his face, said, "Look! It's a solar panel!" Oh, man. The things kids know...

Friday was a different experience, as I was asked to sub in a pre-K class. These kids are adorable, hilarious, and sometimes little brats, which you could probably say about most kids their age, right? Anyway, it was Fun Friday, which meant that after nap time (a whole 1.5 hours in which I get to sit and do nothing), we would have snack, play outside, and watch a movie until it was time to go home. Pretty uneventful, not so much work. This is my kind of subbing. Oh, may I just mention that I am not a huge fan of cartoons and having to sit through a cartoon movie (non-Disney, of course...I like those) for an hour and 15 minutes was a little like torture. Thank goodness for my iPhone...which I may or may not have been using. The atmosphere is really low-key, by the way. My "helper", who was more like the teacher that day, was looking at used cars online during nap time. And I should also mention that there were only 6 kids, instead of the usual 10. And all of the troublemakers were absent.

The following Monday afternoon found me again in the Pre-K class. Today the "troublemakers" were there, bringing the count up to 9 students. As I arrived, the morning teacher informed me that a nurse was going to be coming in while I was there because one of the students have been having seizures in the previous weeks. Awesome. I was thankful that the nurse was there, because I didn't want that kind of responsibility. But I was even more thankful that we didn't need the nurse. No longer Fun Friday, we had to "work" after playing outside. Only our work consisted of making the letter X with craft sticks, gluing them on a piece of construction paper, and covering them with Trix. Not so much work, more like a mess and a snack. Then I just had to supervise the kids while they played. It's funny to me that there are two (plus 1) adults there while they are napping, eating a snack, etc., but when it comes to watching the kids play, cleaning up messes, and sending them home, I'm the only one there. I am glad that I'm not the only one there the whole time, though. Anyhow, another good day, with really nothing of significance to report. Funny story of the day: We were outside playing for about 30 minutes. The other teacher was telling some of the kids to not play over by the building. As they were running back to the grass, one little girl says, "You better come back or you'll get fired." Wait, what? So the teacher asks her what she means. The girl responds, "When you do things you are not supposed to do, you get fired like my mom." Oops. You can find out all kinds of things from these kids. Things I'm pretty sure their parents would not be thrilled with their sharing.

Ok, more to come. I've already spent to much time writing today, so I'll have to share the rest soon.