summer.

There is one part of summer I will never get used to: the heat. Most people can't stand those cold winter days and look forward to the heat of the summer sun all year long. I can't stand it. Don't get me wrong, I like sunny days, but I would prefer the temperature to reach it's high around 80 degrees, give or take a few. If I want that to be the case, I definitely can't live where I do.

This weekend marked the first of summer, at least in terms of school getting out and summer break...and you could definitely tell it was summer around here! Saturday was toasty, marking my first afternoon spent by the pool. Or rather, in the pool. I was roasting in the sun when I wasn't in the pool. We finally caved around 4 pm and turned on the a/c upstairs when the thermostat reached a balmy 90 degrees. Even fans weren't helping at this point.

I think it was "only" 96 outside. I can hardly wait until we hit July, typically our month of 100+ degree weather. Thank the Lord for air conditioning...

my week (or so) in review.

I'm trying really hard to stick to my once-per-week minimum post. So, here goes...my week or so in review:

Last Thursday was my last day subbing for this school year. I was in preschool again, only in the morning, which means I had to be there at 7:00am. Anytime I have to leave my house before 7am for work, I always have to question why I'm doing what I'm doing. Ok, so it wasn't that bad, really. It's nice because the kids arrive sporadically through the morning, so I gradually get broken in to their antics. On this particular morning, the other pre-K teacher was also feeling tired, so we had a pretty low-key day. Like the kids care anyway...they just want to play! Nothing particularly exciting happened, but the kids are always entertaining. I played "restaurant" with some of the girls. They are so cute...I remember playing just like that when I was around their age. There are three boys in the class that always want to play together, but don't play well together. They definitely keep the teachers on their toes. I won't put up with their crap, so I don't usually have a problem with them. There was one little girl that cried on three separate occasions, too. She wasn't getting her way, so I just let her cry. Call me hard-hearted (I'm not really), but like I said, I'm not going to put up with crap, so she can cry all she wants and then get back to what she is supposed to be doing :)

Thursday night my grandparents and great uncle came over for dinner. Papa and Uncle Larry went down to see my uncle, a doctor, in order to try and get Papa's medications regulated again. It's been a constant up and down. My mom and I noticed when we were at my grandparents house on Wednesday night that his ankles were really swollen. Turns out he's retaining fluid again (which is what put him in the hospital a few months ago), and quite a bit of it too. Alarmed by this, my mom and I told my dad, who then called his sister and arranged for them to go down the next day to get it all taken care of. We later found out that the doctor said if he had waited any longer to go, he would be back in the hospital with congestive heart failure. Anyway, we had dinner that night, and then my parents headed over to sign the papers to buy a new-to-us 2007 GMC Yukon XL Denali for my mom. She was excited!

Friday I got a couple of phone calls to sub, one of which I slept through (amazingly), but decided not to accept because my parents and I were headed down to LA. We left around 2:30 I think, driving our new car, of course, and drove to my sister's work in Woodland Hills. We went inside for a minute to say hi, then went over to the mall to wait for her to get off work. At 6, we met my aunt and uncle (same ones I just mentioned), as well as my cousin for dinner. The next day, the 29th, was my Dad and aunt's birthday (they are twins, in case that wasn't clear), so we all had dinner together to celebrate at Maggiano's Little Italy (yum!). We finished dinner around 8:30 or so, and then drove back home.

Saturday was my dad's birthday, so we had brunch. Then we got dressed and went downtown to some antique stores. My sister has my mom's parents old dining room table, so she wants to find some chairs to match it so she can actually use it. The first store we went in was amazingly packed full, but it was fun to look around. We found exactly one chair, but my sister in not convinced she wants mismatched chairs. I told her good luck finding 6 chairs that match. I think I may have convinced her to look for 3 sets of 2 matching chairs instead. We'll see what we can find. I think some LA antiquing may be in order. Anyway, we came back home to make dinner and my grandparents came over. After they left, the four of us went to Target. We went for some hair products, and came away with a basketful of treasure. I love Target. And I love going to Target with my parents ;) (kidding)

Sunday was a fairly uneventful day. My mom, sister, and I ran a few errands, then finally were able to visit a friend with a new baby girl. Well, new is a relative term, since she was already 7 weeks old! Baby Whitney (great name, right?) is an absolute doll! After that, we came home and my sister went to pick up my grandparents to take them back to my aunt's house down south (same aunt) on her way back to LA. Monday was equally uneventful. We stayed home, did a few things around the house, and mostly relaxed. And of course barbequed...it was Memorial Day, after all :)

Tuesday was again uneventful for me. Like I said, last Thursday was my last day to sub, so I just hung around the house. Wednesday I hung around the house during the day, then my mom and I went over to my cousin's house for his son's junior high graduation celebration. We missed the ceremony since it started at 3:30 and my mom had to work, so we just went for dinner and cake.

Thursday (yesterday) was the first day where it seems unbearably hot in the house. Rather then fry around here, I got dressed, went a got lunch, went to the bank, and then went to the mall. Love the air conditioning there, as well as the shopping, of course. I then went to Barnes and Noble, found a book, then went to the cafe for a special treat for my mom. The then came home, caved and turn on the A/C for awhile, and tried to work. After technical issues earlier in the morning, it was nice to see that everything was working again.

And that's pretty much it. My week in review...hope you enjoyed my somewhat busy, but maybe not that exciting, life...

growing up.

Life has a way of sneaking up on you. I don't really mind the part where I get more responsibility, I don't really mind paying the bills, I don't really mind having a busier, sometimes "boring" life. I think the part that is hard for me is watching everyone else around me get older too.

This last weekend I was able to have dinner and spend time with a number of family members. Among those that got together, I saw my grandparents and great aunts and uncles. As much as we have all have our faults, I love them all dearly. Over the past few months, my grandpa has been sick on and off, in the hospital, getting weak, getting better, etc. The same thing has been happening to my great aunt. My grandma isn't in the best of health either. And I can't help but feel that our time together is growing shorter and shorter. And I hate it.

I realize that's just part of life, but for me, that's the worst part about growing older.

two excuses and one reason.

Yet again, it seems as though I've taken an unplanned hiatus from blogging. I always intend to get on and write, but we all can see how well that's worked out. I'm setting a goal to post at least one weekly update. Maybe I can stick to that. Time will tell, right?

I can identify at least two distinct factors that have contributed to this latest break. The first of which is that I have been a lot busier subbing. So far in May, I've subbed at least a half day on 9 out of 11 school days. What a huge difference from my last report! On top of that, my other currently-part-time-that-will-be-full-time-this-summer job doing data entry for the company my mom works for has been keeping me a bit busier, as well. No complaints here as far as the paycheck goes. And as much as I need the money, a small part of me resents the fact that I am so busy. If I'm being honest, I think it's because 1) I've become a bit lazy in the lifestyle I've grown accustomed to in the past few months and 2) I look ahead into the future and see very few "lazy" days left. I'm going to be working a full-time, 9-5 job this summer, and then I intend to go back to school in the fall, as well as continue to substitute teach. So, when I think of all that, I guess I'm just basking in my last few lazy days until around the house doing "not a whole lot" (my standard answer when I asked "What did you do today?").

The other factor in my lack of blogging is that the internet at my house was barely/not working. At times it would take about 10 minutes to maybe load a page. Forget about watching any of the tv shows I typically watch during my days of nothing. Not that I have had many of those recently, but you get the point. Anyway, slow and inconsistent internet is nothing short of irritating. I'm thankful for my iphone, where I could at least check my email, Facebook, etc. It's much too much effort to type too much on there, though, hence the lack of blogging.

Ok, those are my excuses. Now, the real reason is that I just don't always know what to say. I typically thing of my days as inconsequential, with nothing much to report. I haven't even had very many good stories from subbing. (I do have a few that need to be shared...so look for that post soon!) I mean, what's the point of subbing if you aren't going to get any good stories? So, as soon as I figure out what to say, I'll let you know.

decision time.

When I moved home last December after finishing student teaching, I had the distinct feeling that whatever move I made would determine my future, at least in part. When I last wrote, I was wrestling with the decision of what comes next. And I have an even greater sense that what I decide now will, indeed, determine the path I take.

When I think of it that way, it scares me to death that I might be making the wrong choice. But I have, for now, decided to return to school to get my Master's in Teaching. The decision seems to make the most logical sense. But, as I think we all know, the most obvious decision is not always the right one. So my prayer has been for God to open all the doors if it's the right move, or to close them and make it apparent to me that I need to pursue something different.

And, so far, all of the doors have been standing wide open. As it turns out, I was able to fill out an application for readmission to Biola, which was processed quickly, I've paid my enrollment deposit, and have preregistered for classes. I'm planning to take three courses this fall, but I have a spot in five different classes right now because I'm not sure which to take first. I have a phone appointment next Monday afternoon with someone from the School of Education, so I hope to have a better idea of what my program will look like after that meeting.

Since I've made this decision, I've been wrestling with the thought of returning to school. If you had asked me a month ago what I would be doing come fall, the words "going back to school" would have never come out of my mouth. I was so tired of school at the end of December, that the thought of continuing on at that time was absolutely out of the question. The idea of doing homework and having mounds of reading to do and papers to write still overwhelms me a bit. But, I've done it before, and I know I can do it again. I feel that God gave me this semester as a period of rest. Working part-time, making enough to pay (some of) the bills, but having some time off too, to relax and do a bit of nothing for a change. I also think its been a valuable time of making connections in the districts I am working in now.

All of that said, I'm thankful to have the opportunity of going back to school that many people never do. I have the luxury of living at home, having few expenses (although more are to come when I start making real money), and returning to school with the encouragement of my parents. I may as well make the most of this opportunity!

dynamic.

My life is static.

I spend my days doing the same things, over and over again. Nothing really changes.

The problem is not so much that I have nothing to do. I keep myself busy enough, some days more than others. However, I feel like I could or should be doing so much more with my life.

So there lies the real problem. I think my life is static because I don't know which direction to begin moving.

Realistically, I won't be finding a full-time position, at least not in teaching, come fall. I'm sure I could get a job doing something else, but I feel like that is giving up on teaching without ever really getting a chance to begin.

So, do I go back to school? Get my M.A.? Do something else entirely? Is it a waste of time to get a Masters in Teaching if I can't find a teaching job? There are a number of options to consider...or rather, three:

The first is go back to/continue at Biola. A Masters is 30 units, and I have already completed 12 of those in my student teaching. I can complete 9 units on campus, and then an additional 9 units online. So, it would really only require me to be back down there for a semester full-time. But, do I want to move back down? I could commute one day a week, but that would draw the 2 semester completion time out to more like 4.

The second option is to complete another program that is online. The one I think I would consider most is the MAT program at USC. I've looked at it a little bit, but I don't know much about it. The upside of this is that I could stay home and complete it. The downside is the fact that the 12 units of student teaching I've completed will count for nothing (at least to my current understanding).

The third option is to complete a local program, such as Cal State (definitely not my first choice), or an extension program through a school like Fresno Pacific or Point Loma. I'm actually not positive of all of the local programs, but I'm still pretty sure that those 12 units would not transfer.

Those, of course, are just the options to pursue my Masters. If I do continue teaching, I'll eventually get my Masters. So why not now? I have also considered going to school for an alternate career path. What would that be? I have no idea. Business/Accounting? Single-subject credential? Something else?

That's what is going on in my head. The more time that passes, the more I feel the need to do something. I do know that whatever I choose, I need my life to be dynamic. Moving forward. Accomplishing something.

Prayers would be appreciated.

taking a break.

I've been thinking about writing for the last two weeks. But thinking is as far as I have gotten. The last week of March/beginning of April was Spring Break for the elementary schools here, which naturally means I got the week off from subbing. I had few plans, most of which consisted of working for my mom, catching up on some TV shows, and reading. Pretty exciting, huh? Yeah...hence the reason I haven't written.

Last week turned into an unexpected extension of Spring Break. I didn't receive any calls to sub all week. I assume since the teachers had a week off, they figured they could work a week. Since I didn't know I would have the week off again, I had no plans, which led to me doing basically nothing all week again.

On the upside, I finally started to clean up my pit of a room. It was fairly clean at one point since I've been home, but quickly accumulated more junk. I've still got a long way to go to get the room clean, but that's nothing compared to the closet I need to clean out. Four and a half years of moving between home and school led me to stash unnecessary things in my closet, thinking I would get to it later. Well, now is later, and now it's a bit overwhelming. I'm trying to clean a little everyday...we'll see how it goes. Even if I only put a few things away, it's progress, right?

Well, the tradition continues on today, with still no calls to sub. I'm just continuing to trust that I'll work again, hopefully one day soon. Sorry for the boring post...it definitely sums up my past two weeks...