the end.

Today was the last day of school for the students.  So crazy!  We pretty much spent the whole week doing nothing, which makes for a long 3-day week.  (I'm not complaining...)  Anyhow, I knew that I didn't want to be stuck cleaning out my room all this week, so I've been taking a small to medium sized load home each night for the last 2 weeks.  Yesterday I had the biggest load, taking home everything I could easily take home that I knew I wouldn't need the last day.  Even though it was a bit of a pain each day, I'm so glad I did.  Come this afternoon, I had all of my belongings out of the room and the room all ready to leave not long after school released today. 

Reality that this was the last day hasn't fully set in, although I felt the tears welling up a bit as I left school this afternoon.  The rest of the staff was gathering to meet the new principal and I was heading to my car.  It might have been one of the single hardest moments to keep my head up and not be obviously upset.

I was happy to spend a fun week with my students, though.  They kept themselves pulled together for the most part and I didn't have to get too mad at them.  (Well, there was a moment on Wednesday when I almost pulled out some work for them to do...)  Tuesday morning we had our awards assembly, which may have been the longest assembly in the history of assemblies.  Ok, maybe not, but it took nearly two hours, which is an extremely long time when you need to use the restroom (Recess is at 10:10, but the assembly wasn't out until about 11:15).  And it wasn't exactly stimulating either.  I then had to wait even longer because I had to do yard duty.  We were in class for just a short time when it was time to have our class party.  My wonderful mother brought the class Subway sandwiches and we watched Cars.  The kids gorged themselves on junk, but were really quite well behaved.  (It's amazing to think back to the beginning of the year and to see how much they have grown!) 

Wednesday was basically one big retirement celebration for the principal.  Definitely not my favorite day ever, but more bearable than I thought it might be.  When we weren't at planned activities, we were watching Cars 2.  And, like I mentioned before, today was a whole lot of nothing.  We had a raffle with all kinds of prizes, most of which were food.  I didn't let them eat it before recess, but let's just pretend they didn't eat it all today.  Because I pretty sure most of it was consumed.  The day felt anticlimactic, as I said a quick goodbye to them, handed them their report cards, and ushered them out the door. 

Tomorrow is officially my last day when I check out and head to our staff breakfast.  I'm sure reality will set in tomorrow morning when I arrive to an empty room and I have to hand in my keys.

only nine.

...more days of school.  Can someone please tell me how that's possible?

Today was one of those days when I really wished I could slow down time.  I know that sounds crazy, especially considering how close to summer we are.  But my students were genuinely good, we had a pretty easy, but productive day, and my kids thanked me for taking it a little bit easy on them.  It was nice and I enjoyed being with them. 

Today was also the day I started cleaning out my classroom and bringing a small load of things home.  I took down one bulletin board and the room already feels a bit empty without it. 

It's strange that it's almost over.  It would probably be easier to deal with if I knew where I was going to be/if I'm going to be somewhere next year.  But, still, it's bittersweet.

Still ready for summer, though...9 more school days.


And, no post would be complete without some puppy cuteness:

Waiting for Mom to come home...it's so boring...

They are pretty sure I don't love them when I make them stay out...

five and counting.

5.  The number of weeks until summer vacation begins.  Just 23 school days.
It's hard to believe, really.  I can still vividly remember going for my interview, getting hired, and the whirlwind that ensued afterward.  I remember the day I met my students and how I wasn't quite prepared.  I've learned so much, and now it's almost over.  It's bittersweet now that I've come to love my class, yet some days are just uncomfortable to be on campus.  Besides that fact, now I'm looking for a job all over again.

I've tried to not post much, careful to not complain too much about the position I've found myself in.  It's unfortunate in a lot of ways, especially the way that it all happened, but I'm simply trusting that God has a bigger plan in mind.  I'm letting go of the anxiety of finding a job, even though I'm still searching.  I'm letting go of trying to control things, because I know that's not my place, and I couldn't even if I tried. It's hard, but I'm thankful to have God to lean on.  I'm also extraordinarily thankful for the kind, encouraging, and wise words from friends and family as I walk through this time.

On a different note, our puppies are as adorable as ever.  Life is tough around here, though...



...you have to get a lot of baths...

...and be really cute all the time...



...and smell the roses...



...it's really just all so tiring.

more than a coincidence.

Almost two weeks ago, on Friday, March 23, I was driving to work and heard on the radio that it was "National Puppy Day."  I texted my mom that news (at a red light, of course) and we joked about it.  Little did we know what that day would hold.

Fast forward to Friday evening, when my dad came home from work.  It was around 7:00 and he told us to come look outside.  There was saw three small dogs/puppies running around.  They came right to us and were lovable from the second we laid eyes on them.  Since they were adorable, we felt obligated to help them find their way home.  They just ran around in a little pack, sticking fairly close to the obviously older dog with them.  We spent an hour or more asking neighbors until it turned dark.  Dad called and told us to bring them home and we would try again the next day.  They were adorable and perfectly content to stay around.  They also adored us every time we went outside to see them. 

Our cute visitors on Saturday morning

We put up signs around the neighborhood and waited.  We imagined every possibility as to why they were out.  And we still heard nothing.

Fast forward to last Friday when we decided we would give them names, since they were obviously sticking around for awhile.

Meet Henry, Riley, and Brady:

Henry

Riley

Brady

Since they were sticking around for a bit, we thought we should take them to the vet, see if they were healthy, etc.  Fast forward to this week.  We called a friend on Tuesday afternoon to find out which vet she went to, not wanting to draw attention to the number of dogs we had by going to our regular vet.  Anyway, she told us, we called, and got an appointment Wednesday afternoon.  Mom and I left the house around 2:40 with 3 wiggly dogs.  They were good in the car, but none of the leashes/collars we had on them really fit, so we had to carry them inside the vet.  Riley was the wiggliest of them all, whimpering to get down and see the other dogs for the entire time period we sat in the waiting room.  Mom checked them in and filled out what we could as far as paperwork went.  The lady there checked them for microchips and found nothing.  After sitting there a good 20-25 minutes waiting for our turn to be called, I noticed a girl walk by us with a small white dog in her arms.  She walked back over with her mom and minute later who proceeded to say, "I think you have our dogs."  We were completely flabbergasted by her statement, but she told us all about the dogs.  We found out they lost them on Thursday, March 22, one day before we found them.  They also lived out off of Harris Rd., which is miles from our house.  We talked for a few minutes and then she said she needed to go call her husband.  She came back and said that they wanted Henry (or Bon Bon, as they called him) back, but that they really had needed to give away the puppies, so we could keep them if we wanted to.  Having fallen in love with them, we said yes, and now have two very sweet additions (Riley and Brady) in our family.  We had assumed they were brothers from the same litter, but they aren't.  Henry was Brady's dad, and they had Riley's mom (the white dog I had seen with them).  Brady's birthday is June 1 and Riley's birthday us July 4.  We had guessed they were 4-6 months old, but really they are 8 and 9 months old.  And, since we were at the vet, their previous owner had their vet records transferred to our account. 

I still can't get over the whole thing.  Honestly, what are the chances that of all the vets we could have chosen on all the days at all the times, that was the same vet, day, and time they would be there.  Really, we have to believe it was more than a coincidence. 

And here's just a few other cute pictures I've taken:

All 3 "new dogs" playing with Cody.  Our dogs have been very accepting of them.

Riley and I hanging out with our (my) feet in the pool.  He was enamored by the leaves floating by.

And then he fell in shortly thereafter.

to san francisco, in celebration.

Wednesday I got my bad news. Friday was my 25th birthday.  Excellent timing, in my opinion.
I was still feeling a bit down, but didn't want it to detract from the festivities since we were going to San Francisco.  Here's a relatively short recap of our trip.

Sidenote: This trip was also fun because it was the first time I really got to use my camera I got for Christmas.

After getting settled in the hotel, we walked to Chinatown.  We didn't really stop, but it was my first time to see it.

We continued walking through the city on to Little Italy, where our dinner destination was.  We went to a little restaurant off the beaten path called Bocce Cafe, which was delicious.  I think we all enjoyed the meal.  We were tired and the walk back was uphill, so we got a cab back to our hotel. 

The view from our room.

The next day, Saturday, we had breakfast at a little cafe/diner we had found on a previous visit to SF.  Then we started our journey through the city at the Ferry Building.  Outside there was a Farmers' Market.

Inside we found a doughnut booth, which Mom was obviously thrilled about.  In the background, Dad and Lindsay are waiting for their Peet's Coffee.

It was a gorgeous day, as you can see.  We walked all the way down the Embarcadero toward Fisherman's Wharf.

Loving my telephoto lens!

I don't particularly like birds, but this one was just posing for me.

We walked on to Pier 39, which I had never been to before.  We then made our way to Boudin, where we had lunch.

We walked on to Fisherman's Wharf

We continued on our journey...

Top: Without and Bottom: With telephoto lens :)

Ok, enough of the picture taking...time for some Ghiradelli!  In case you were wondering, yes, we did eat all day...

The Cherry Coke she had been dreaming about...

She wanted her own hot fudge sundae...

Thanks, Mom

My delicious warm cookie sundae...it was pretty amazing...

The trip wouldn't be complete without a cable car picture

After all of our food, we headed to the downtown area to go shopping.  Overall, it was a fun, relaxing day.  Sunday morning we went to the same cafe for breakfast.  Then we drove up to Coit Tower to see it up close.  Lindsay and I got out and took some picture at the outlook (we refused to pay $14 to go up the tower). 

The Golden Gate Bridge just never gets old...

Coit Tower

What a fun birthday weekend! (Thanks Mom and Dad)

change of plans.

Almost two weeks ago, my world changed...a lot.  I was called into my principal's office and she told me she had submitted my name for nonreelection next year.  She told me she had been worried about me back in January and that is when she had to turn in names.  And even though she had seen improvement since then, once my name was submitted there was nothing she could do about it.  I numbly accepted her words, sitting there in complete shock.  She gave me a fake hug and asked if I wanted to sit in her office awhile.  I politely said no thanks and headed back to my classroom where I had to maintain enough composure to teach the rest of the day.  I felt shock to the point of not feeling much of all.  I texted my family (in front of my class, but really didn't care) who were also in shock and totally caught off guard.  I managed to hold back tears, minus my eyes welling up a few times, until the end of the day, when I was finally alone in my classroom after school, and just let myself cry. I pulled myself together enough to tell my BTSA support provider who was coming that afternoon about my news.  She, who has worked most closely with me this year, was also absolutely shocked. 

See, here's where I have the problem.  It's not that I thought I am so perfect that I had no room to improve.  It's that I wasn't given a whole lot of support at my school, least of all from my principal.  Those who I was working with were positive, helpful, and encouraging always, knowing that there's a learning curve to all of this.  There's no way you can go into your first year of teaching knowing everything.  You should also know that my principal had walked through my classroom less than ten times this whole year.  She had never given me an ounce of feedback until my preliminary evaluation in January.  Which I was told not to worry about since it was just a preliminary evaluation, and the second one was the one that would count this year.  Only I was never given that second chance. 
She also mentioned in passing the fact that my test scores had dropped.  Of course, this is a comparison of apples to oranges, comparing 4th grade CST scores to a more difficult 5th grade Benchmark test (which was again given after only a couple of months of my teaching). 

I just feel like I wasn't given a chance.  It's still hard to cope with because it seemed like this job was so long awaited, such a big answer to prayer, I was settling in, getting to know my coworkers, and figuring the whole thing out more each day.  And then I got the rug ripped out from underneath me and lost a huge part of my motivation to do my job well.  After all, they had already fired me...

That's the part I didn't mention.  Her submitting my name for "nonreelection" means I literally cannot work for the district ever in the future, not even as a substitute teacher.  The only loophole, which I will be doing, is to submit a letter of resignation before my contract ends in June.  That keeps my options open more because I could potentially be rehired in the future.  Even still, the whole thing feels harsh.  I don't know what I did to earn this sort of punishment.  I honestly think she didn't like me personally and this was some sort of vindication.  I don't know what I might have done, but still...

Oh, and here's the kicker: my principal is retiring this year, which gives me even more questions about why she did what she did to me.

Now, before I end this post, I should let you know that I'm trying really hard to have a spirit of peace and not bitterness.  I trust that God is in control and completely trustworthy.  I know that He has something else in store for me, whatever it might be.  I will continue to work hard, mostly because I care about my kids and they would ultimately be the ones hurt if I didn't. 

However, I did take today off...just because I could...

still alive.

I'm glad that my New Year's Resolution wasn't to blog more, because I definitely have failed.  February is flying by at a rapid pace and I'm managing to stay as busy as ever.  I've come to accept that that probably won't ever change, which I'm ok with.  I don't mind being busy, but I still need days like today where I don't do much of anything at all.  I got sick a couple of weeks ago, started feeling extremely tired on a Friday.  I spent the entire 3-day weekend lying in bed (and catching up on some TV shows).  Amazing how your body knows better than you when you need to rest sometimes.  I was so thankful for those 3 days because I think it helped me from getting the worst of the sickness going around.  The cough is still lingering, but I've been feeling pretty good all of this week. 

Work continues to consume my time (for obvious reasons) We have just over a month of school days until state testing and the pressure is on.  I went through a short phase of being worn out and my heart wasn't fully in my teaching.  After talking to some people and through their encouragement, I'm excited to keep going.  Despite the early mornings, I'm excited again for school.  As much as my students wear me out and can be annoying (with their complaints and attitudes), I love them all.  They are funny and make me laugh.  I can't always hold in the laughter, which is sometimes a good thing.  I've tried to lighten up a little, not be so consumed with trying to make them act perfectly, and just really enjoy them and being their teacher.  (Ok, that makes it sound like I was obsessed with being serious and perfection, which is not true.)  Still, though, life is good, and I can't really complain.  Hope you've had a great February.

I'm going to *try* to update more.  No promises.