a new chapter once again.

Apparently I like to check in here every three months or so.  I'm taking a break from writing a paper, so naturally I feel like writing a blog post.  When I last wrote to you, it was the day before beginning school again, this time for Accounting.  So much has happened in the days since then.  Let me summarize my thoughts about it all in saying: "God is faithful."

Just a little over three months ago I was starting back to school, looking forward to learning some new things and even more eager to see where God was leading me in the process.  About a week or two later I really started applying to jobs, more than I had been before.  I had a few interviews and always got the same "thanks, but no thanks" I've grown so accustomed to these past few years.  I continued in school, finishing that term just eight weeks later.  I had exactly one weekend off (which happened to be Mothers' Day weekend) and then it was back to school, this time adding an extra class to the load for a total of three. 

Side note: When a class is only 8 weeks long, the work load is basically doubled to squeeze an entire semester's worth of information and work into half the time.  Two classes, one accounting and one computer programs class (read: easy), was manageable.  Add one more class into the mix and I definitely bit off more than I could chew.  I am definitely anxious to be finished this coming Friday!

Classes have been going well and I'm learning a lot.  I don't hate accounting (something I feared) so that's always a bonus.  But as time continued on, I increasingly felt the need to "get a real job."  Not that I wasn't looking, but I felt the burden much more.  I had (somewhat irrational, but also possible) fears that I would get in a car accident or come down with a rare disease while not having insurance or a steady job.  I feared that I would never find a job where someone would give me a chance to prove myself.  See, I know that I'm smart and I'm capable (that sounds so snotty, but hopefully you know what I mean), but on paper I need more experience.  And it seems that every opportunity just didn't work out. 

Through it all, I had to cling to the truth that God had something in store for my future.  That He never left me, even on the days where I had given up on it all.  On the weeks where I refused to even search for jobs because it left me feeling tired and less than and never good enough.  God never abandoned me and He really has been working all things together for good, beginning with my heart. 

See, the thing is, I always thought I trusted God, thought I knew what that meant.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  I was always thankful for the circumstances He had placed me in, thankful for the many blessings I had, but I don't think I truly trusted Him to be in control. I had, without my knowledge, slowly bought into the lie that my circumstances were my safety. 

That is, if I had a steady job, then God was blessing me.

If I did enough, then He would provide for me.

I didn't realize it at first, of course, because it wasn't something I knew to be true.  But somehow my heart believed the lies.  And in the midst of waiting, I finally saw what I needed to see.  That God had never left me.  That He is steadfast, true, and provider of all my needs, faithful above all else.

The last few weeks have been particularly tumultuous due to a turn of events.  You see, one of the jobs I interviewed for way back in March called me back in June saying the person they hired didn't work out and they wanted to interview me again if I was still interested.  I went back out the next day for that interview, full of peace that God was in control.  It's probably the least nervous I've ever been in an interview, only mildly hopeful that I would get the job and somewhat fearful that I would get burned twice.  The following Monday they called me back, asking for my references and wanting to interview me again (this would be the fourth time).  A few hours later, I received another phone call, this time an interview for a teaching position. 

All of a sudden I was caught between two worlds again.  I thought God was leading one direction, but when I got the call about teaching, I had to wonder if all I had needed was a break.

On Wednesday of that week, the first job called me to offer the position to me.  All I felt was upset.  It probably sounds stupid, since it was something I had been longing after for so long.  But it seemed like God was opening the doors to teaching and this was just in the way.  I had my teaching interview the next day (Thursday) and I felt like it went well, but I finally heard last week that it was just another no. 

In the meantime, I accepted the job I was offered.  My first day is tomorrow.

I've been trying not to think about it a lot, not wanting to get nervous, not knowing exactly what to expect.  My prayer is for is to be the right place for me, that I can learn the job quickly and well and that I will excel there.  If you are wondering what I'll be doing, join the club.  I am too!  All I can tell you today is that the position is an Administrative Assistant for an agricultural research company working with onions. 

I don't know why God opened (and then shut) the door for teaching again.  I do know that He has been working on my heart tremendously.  Where I didn't want to teach before, now I am open to the possibility.  Maybe that's the most important thing here, to be willing to be used by  God in any capacity that He chooses. 

Praise God for His faithfulness!  I'll let you know how my first day goes. 
    

let me catch you up to now.

When I last wrote I was in a difficult place.  I'll admit it, I was struggling.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this post. 

We've now passed the one year point where I felt like my world was falling apart.  I don't mean that in an overly dramatic sense, really.  But it really felt like everything I had worked for was lost.  My perspective has changed so much in the last weeks and months.  I'm working part time still, but today was a new beginning.

I started school again.  This time for Accounting.  Those that know me well probably know that I'm "good with numbers."  I enjoy it, actually.  So, I'm hoping I'll enjoy this.  I'm not sure right now exactly where this is leading me, but it's the beginning of a new road.

I struggled for awhile with the thought that all of my work in my degrees for teaching was wasted.  However, I firmly believe that God has a purpose in all things and has and will open doors because of this work.  My passion for children has not wavered and I am excited to be serving in the Sunday School ministry at church to some pretty cute 4 and 5 year olds. 

I think God is weaving all of these things together for the future.  Like I said, I don't know what that means right now exactly.  I kind of wish I did, but I'm working on being ok that I don't. 

Someone recently told me when I said I was changing my course was that I probably wasn't really changing.  Rather, I am expanding my course and God is so good at weaving it all together.  I'm embarking on a journey I never expected...and I have to, absolutely have to TRUST, that God will be faithful to the end.

give thanks, week four.

I've been home most of this week trying to fight off a cold.  Even though I've been sick, I'm thankful that I have a job where I can work from home and take naps and breaks as needed.  I really can't complain about that.  I'm also thankful for this change in weather.  I love cold, rainy days!  It's the perfect weather to want to stay at home. 

And, let's be honest, when your companions are this cute, you really don't mind staying home anyway.

Little Riley...so naughty, but so cute...

give thanks, week three.

Today I want to highlight a new organization that I have become involved in, Love Mercy Uganda.  Starting just a couple of months ago, this is the result of the hard work of one small church in Maryland and one woman in particular.  She has setup this child sponsorship program to partner with the Good Samaritan Children's Home in Uganda.  The children are all orphans who were found living in abject poverty or dire conditions.  You can go to the website (linked above) and read some of the bios of the children.  They are all currently being sponsored, but there are opportunites to help and give in other ways.  As this sponsorship program is just beginning, there are still many needs to meet.  One of those is medical bills.  Some of the children are HIV+ or have low immune systems and easily catch diseases like malaria.  Recently treated mosquito nets were purchased, which will hopefully cut down on the number of instances of malaria.  As you might imagine, though, the cost of medical care can be very costly when there are nearly 75 children to care for in the home.

I chose to sponsor three children through this program and today I received my first letters from them.

First, meet Baker.  She is about 5 years old.  (I say about as most of these children do not know their birthdays and dates were picked based on how old they looked, siblings, etc.)  She is an orphan whose parents died from AIDS.

Portions of her letter read:

Dear Mum Whitney,
This is a happy moment to write to you this letter because of my becoming your sponsor child. Back to me I am very okay!! But how are you generally and America at large...
I thank you for our nets you people bought for us.
Mum, a question, will you be coming to visit me soon in Uganda? If so, second to the day I got a sponsor in the names mum Whitney in  America.
Mum, I like jokes, I like playing with friends, am a singer at school.  I like reading books and learning the Bible.  In future I am to be a teacher, my prayer request is wisdom.
Looking to hear from you soon.  Yours, Baker

Such a sweet, endearing child.  While she obviously had help writing, she seems wise beyond her years. 

Next is Emily.  She is 8 years old.  She was found living with her grandmother who could not care for her or provide basic necessities like food and clothes.  She often has a cold.  The staff describe her as humble and obedient.  She sounds like a dear girl that I would love to meet one day.

Portions of her letter read:

Dear My Sweet dream sponor Whitney,
I am glad to write to you and I am very happy to have this time to converse with you through letter.
Let me take this opportunity to greet you in Jesus' name.  How are you and how is your life?
How is your country America?  How is your climate and your family members?
I thank you for the medical care which include clean water, medicine, shelter, food, mosquito net, as well as sponsorship.
I am in primary two. I am 8 years old.  I like playing net ball and rope jumping.
I would like to request you kindly to visit me at our home.  I like smiling do you like smiling too? If yes it is good to me because if we meet we shall chat together.
My friend is called Happy.  She likes playing with me.
I pray God to become a doctor in future and I treat sick people.
From Your Daughter Emily
My Sweet Dream Sponsor Whitney.  I wish you Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Probably one of the sweetest letters I have received.  I love that she referred to me as "my sweet dream sponsor."  That sounds exactly like an 8 year old.

And this is Christine.  She is about 6 years old.  She is the oldest of 5 children that are at the home (my mom sponsors one of her younger sisters).  They were abandoned by unstable and violent parents and would be left alone for days, where Christine would go out on the streets begging for coins to feed her brothers and sisters.  Understandably, she mothers her siblings.  Such as huge burden for a child so young...it breaks my heart!

Portrions from her letter read:

Dear Whitney,
How is you? Hope you are fine. Whitney my dear beloved sponsor I would like to thank you for choosing me among all the children in the home and accepting to know who Christine is.
My best friend is Scovia.  My best color is blue because when I look up in the sky the blue makes me get amazed.
I would like to thank you for the support that you have given to me and the entire home.  I know you have good plans and you are every praying for such that God can give me wisdom and knowledge and I look after my two sisters and two brothers that I have.
Thanks for every support in feed, education, clothing and others.
Really you mean a lot to me and the entire home.
May God bless you abundantly and bless the works of your hands.
Let me tell you the meaning of my second name Kirabo.  It means a gift.  God has gifted me by giving me a good caring, loving sponsor.
Please if you happen to write to me tell me your favorite color, food, and game.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Yours, Christine


Today I am thankful for all of these sweet and precious girls and the letters I have received from them.

give thanks, week two.

The heavens declare

 

 

the glory of God;

 

 

the skies proclaim

 

 

the works of his hand.

 

 

Psalm 19:1

 

 

I'm thankful for the sky, so glorious at times, that it reminds me of the presence of God.

 

 

I love cloudy days and when the sun breaks through the clouds, like light coming from heaven itself.

 

 

And there is something so glorious about the sunrise.  A brand new morning, a hope renewed each day.

 

 

I often look at the sky in wonder, amazed that I've been blessed to see another beautiful day.

 

As beautiful as the sunrise is, the setting sun creates a beauty all its own.  It reminds me of God, the only one more faithful than the rising and the setting of the sun.

 

 

 

I'm thankful that God is Creator and cares about the beauty of this world. 

 

 

For that God, who created this world, loves me even more. And there is nothing for which I could be more thankful.

 

May my life somehow glorify Him like the skies...

 

give thanks.

So quickly we live our lives.  Always rushing from one thing to the next.  Always trying to squeeze in one more thing to our schedule.  It's work, family, friends, errands, obligations, and a little fun in there, too.  We fill our lives with movement.

And then there are days like today, ones where we stop and reflect on how thankful we are for our lives.  Our family.  Our friends.  Our faith. 

Oh, those are good things.  I'm saying nothing against that.  I'm thankful for them, too.

But I'm also guilty of simply saying the words "Thank You" without really meaning them.  I say those words so quickly that they've lost a little bit of their meaning.

That's not to say I'm not thankful.  But those words can easily become more of a habit, a knee-jerk reaction, than an actual feeling of gratitude.  Basically, we have good manners.  We like to make people feel good.  But do we really mean the gratitude?

Think on it.  Reflect on your own life.  How quickly do the words "Thank you" come from your lips?

The cashier at Target took forever and complained the whole way through the transaction.  "Oh, I'm so tired.  I'm so glad I only have two more hours of work."  (Side note: Major pet peeve of mine!  I can't stand when someone complains about the fact that they have to work to me, the customer.  It's just weird.  It's not like I don't have to work too, people.  That's how I'm able to buy these things I'm buying so you can have a job, too.  That's the way it works.  It makes me feel uncomfortable and wishing I had picked the longer, slower moving line, if I hadn't already.  End small rant.)  But at the end of the checking out process, they tack on those words: "Thank you."  They don't mean it.  And sometimes I don't either.

Not really.  Not truly.

I don't want my words to mean nothing, my thanks to be merely words.  I want to have an attitude of thankfulness at all times.

And so this is the way I will begin.  It's a major trend among blogs and social media, but it's a good idea, really.  Thankful Thursdays.  One post on the blog each week highlighting an attitude of thankfulness.  Our lives should be filled with thankfulness, so one a week should be easy.  (Ah, always easier said written than done.)

What am I thankful for today?  For my family.  I have to start there.  They are the ones that love me unconditionally.  I can always count on them to be there, to help me out.  They push me to do things I don't always want to do.  But they understand me, too.  Sure we get can fight, but we always make up.  And I love them dearly.

What are you thankful for this week?

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

stealing joy.

{Source}

You've probably seen/heard this quote a lot.  It's become somewhat of a cliche.  But have you ever really thought about it? 

One day last week it occurred to me that I was falling into the trap of comparing my life to that of other people.  Let me tell you it's a trap.  We fall into it so easily you might not even notice.  If only I had (fill in the blank), then I'd be happy.  If only I had (fill in the blank), then I'd be satisfied...then I would be content. 

Whether you do so consciously or not, you are probably looking at the lives of others and expecting the same for you. I know I do it.  I see friends accomplishing all kinds of things and then I look at my own life.  It just doesn't seem to compare sometimes. 

But I think the thing that sneaks up on me even more silently is when I compare my life to what I think my life should be like, the way I had imagined my life going.  I wasn't ever one to dwell on the future, as in I'm going to be married by this age, have kids by this age, etc.  But I'd be lying if I said that I had never thought about it.  And in that life I had planned I would have found a job right out of college, my dream teaching job.  I would probably be married.  I would own a house and a couple of dogs. 

I had these certain ideas about what life was "supposed" to look like at this point. 

One swift look at my life will see that none of those things are true.  (Well, I guess technically the dogs, but let's please not consider that my highest accomplishment...)

And I'm so tempted to look at that picture of my life and to compare it to reality.  I'm not really sure why none of those things has happened so far.  That's not really what this is about.  My point is that we are literally stealing the joy out of our lives when we compare them.  Whether it's to someone else's life or the life we had dreamed for ourselves, comparing is one sure way to dwell on what "isn't".  It isn't right, it isn't good, it isn't fair. 

Wouldn't life be boring if we got everything we wanted right when we wanted it?  There would be nothing to be excited about, nothing to hope for.  I know I'd be a far different person if it hadn't been for some of the bumps in the road.  That's when we grow.  That's how we mature. 

I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds.  But I'm also not going to dwell on what "isn't" and to focus on the many, many blessings that I have been given instead.

I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

 

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart

instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he

is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad

and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because

you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

 

Psalm 16:2, 7-11