give thanks, week three.

Today I want to highlight a new organization that I have become involved in, Love Mercy Uganda.  Starting just a couple of months ago, this is the result of the hard work of one small church in Maryland and one woman in particular.  She has setup this child sponsorship program to partner with the Good Samaritan Children's Home in Uganda.  The children are all orphans who were found living in abject poverty or dire conditions.  You can go to the website (linked above) and read some of the bios of the children.  They are all currently being sponsored, but there are opportunites to help and give in other ways.  As this sponsorship program is just beginning, there are still many needs to meet.  One of those is medical bills.  Some of the children are HIV+ or have low immune systems and easily catch diseases like malaria.  Recently treated mosquito nets were purchased, which will hopefully cut down on the number of instances of malaria.  As you might imagine, though, the cost of medical care can be very costly when there are nearly 75 children to care for in the home.

I chose to sponsor three children through this program and today I received my first letters from them.

First, meet Baker.  She is about 5 years old.  (I say about as most of these children do not know their birthdays and dates were picked based on how old they looked, siblings, etc.)  She is an orphan whose parents died from AIDS.

Portions of her letter read:

Dear Mum Whitney,
This is a happy moment to write to you this letter because of my becoming your sponsor child. Back to me I am very okay!! But how are you generally and America at large...
I thank you for our nets you people bought for us.
Mum, a question, will you be coming to visit me soon in Uganda? If so, second to the day I got a sponsor in the names mum Whitney in  America.
Mum, I like jokes, I like playing with friends, am a singer at school.  I like reading books and learning the Bible.  In future I am to be a teacher, my prayer request is wisdom.
Looking to hear from you soon.  Yours, Baker

Such a sweet, endearing child.  While she obviously had help writing, she seems wise beyond her years. 

Next is Emily.  She is 8 years old.  She was found living with her grandmother who could not care for her or provide basic necessities like food and clothes.  She often has a cold.  The staff describe her as humble and obedient.  She sounds like a dear girl that I would love to meet one day.

Portions of her letter read:

Dear My Sweet dream sponor Whitney,
I am glad to write to you and I am very happy to have this time to converse with you through letter.
Let me take this opportunity to greet you in Jesus' name.  How are you and how is your life?
How is your country America?  How is your climate and your family members?
I thank you for the medical care which include clean water, medicine, shelter, food, mosquito net, as well as sponsorship.
I am in primary two. I am 8 years old.  I like playing net ball and rope jumping.
I would like to request you kindly to visit me at our home.  I like smiling do you like smiling too? If yes it is good to me because if we meet we shall chat together.
My friend is called Happy.  She likes playing with me.
I pray God to become a doctor in future and I treat sick people.
From Your Daughter Emily
My Sweet Dream Sponsor Whitney.  I wish you Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Probably one of the sweetest letters I have received.  I love that she referred to me as "my sweet dream sponsor."  That sounds exactly like an 8 year old.

And this is Christine.  She is about 6 years old.  She is the oldest of 5 children that are at the home (my mom sponsors one of her younger sisters).  They were abandoned by unstable and violent parents and would be left alone for days, where Christine would go out on the streets begging for coins to feed her brothers and sisters.  Understandably, she mothers her siblings.  Such as huge burden for a child so young...it breaks my heart!

Portrions from her letter read:

Dear Whitney,
How is you? Hope you are fine. Whitney my dear beloved sponsor I would like to thank you for choosing me among all the children in the home and accepting to know who Christine is.
My best friend is Scovia.  My best color is blue because when I look up in the sky the blue makes me get amazed.
I would like to thank you for the support that you have given to me and the entire home.  I know you have good plans and you are every praying for such that God can give me wisdom and knowledge and I look after my two sisters and two brothers that I have.
Thanks for every support in feed, education, clothing and others.
Really you mean a lot to me and the entire home.
May God bless you abundantly and bless the works of your hands.
Let me tell you the meaning of my second name Kirabo.  It means a gift.  God has gifted me by giving me a good caring, loving sponsor.
Please if you happen to write to me tell me your favorite color, food, and game.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Yours, Christine


Today I am thankful for all of these sweet and precious girls and the letters I have received from them.

give thanks, week two.

The heavens declare

 

 

the glory of God;

 

 

the skies proclaim

 

 

the works of his hand.

 

 

Psalm 19:1

 

 

I'm thankful for the sky, so glorious at times, that it reminds me of the presence of God.

 

 

I love cloudy days and when the sun breaks through the clouds, like light coming from heaven itself.

 

 

And there is something so glorious about the sunrise.  A brand new morning, a hope renewed each day.

 

 

I often look at the sky in wonder, amazed that I've been blessed to see another beautiful day.

 

As beautiful as the sunrise is, the setting sun creates a beauty all its own.  It reminds me of God, the only one more faithful than the rising and the setting of the sun.

 

 

 

I'm thankful that God is Creator and cares about the beauty of this world. 

 

 

For that God, who created this world, loves me even more. And there is nothing for which I could be more thankful.

 

May my life somehow glorify Him like the skies...

 

give thanks.

So quickly we live our lives.  Always rushing from one thing to the next.  Always trying to squeeze in one more thing to our schedule.  It's work, family, friends, errands, obligations, and a little fun in there, too.  We fill our lives with movement.

And then there are days like today, ones where we stop and reflect on how thankful we are for our lives.  Our family.  Our friends.  Our faith. 

Oh, those are good things.  I'm saying nothing against that.  I'm thankful for them, too.

But I'm also guilty of simply saying the words "Thank You" without really meaning them.  I say those words so quickly that they've lost a little bit of their meaning.

That's not to say I'm not thankful.  But those words can easily become more of a habit, a knee-jerk reaction, than an actual feeling of gratitude.  Basically, we have good manners.  We like to make people feel good.  But do we really mean the gratitude?

Think on it.  Reflect on your own life.  How quickly do the words "Thank you" come from your lips?

The cashier at Target took forever and complained the whole way through the transaction.  "Oh, I'm so tired.  I'm so glad I only have two more hours of work."  (Side note: Major pet peeve of mine!  I can't stand when someone complains about the fact that they have to work to me, the customer.  It's just weird.  It's not like I don't have to work too, people.  That's how I'm able to buy these things I'm buying so you can have a job, too.  That's the way it works.  It makes me feel uncomfortable and wishing I had picked the longer, slower moving line, if I hadn't already.  End small rant.)  But at the end of the checking out process, they tack on those words: "Thank you."  They don't mean it.  And sometimes I don't either.

Not really.  Not truly.

I don't want my words to mean nothing, my thanks to be merely words.  I want to have an attitude of thankfulness at all times.

And so this is the way I will begin.  It's a major trend among blogs and social media, but it's a good idea, really.  Thankful Thursdays.  One post on the blog each week highlighting an attitude of thankfulness.  Our lives should be filled with thankfulness, so one a week should be easy.  (Ah, always easier said written than done.)

What am I thankful for today?  For my family.  I have to start there.  They are the ones that love me unconditionally.  I can always count on them to be there, to help me out.  They push me to do things I don't always want to do.  But they understand me, too.  Sure we get can fight, but we always make up.  And I love them dearly.

What are you thankful for this week?

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

stealing joy.

{Source}

You've probably seen/heard this quote a lot.  It's become somewhat of a cliche.  But have you ever really thought about it? 

One day last week it occurred to me that I was falling into the trap of comparing my life to that of other people.  Let me tell you it's a trap.  We fall into it so easily you might not even notice.  If only I had (fill in the blank), then I'd be happy.  If only I had (fill in the blank), then I'd be satisfied...then I would be content. 

Whether you do so consciously or not, you are probably looking at the lives of others and expecting the same for you. I know I do it.  I see friends accomplishing all kinds of things and then I look at my own life.  It just doesn't seem to compare sometimes. 

But I think the thing that sneaks up on me even more silently is when I compare my life to what I think my life should be like, the way I had imagined my life going.  I wasn't ever one to dwell on the future, as in I'm going to be married by this age, have kids by this age, etc.  But I'd be lying if I said that I had never thought about it.  And in that life I had planned I would have found a job right out of college, my dream teaching job.  I would probably be married.  I would own a house and a couple of dogs. 

I had these certain ideas about what life was "supposed" to look like at this point. 

One swift look at my life will see that none of those things are true.  (Well, I guess technically the dogs, but let's please not consider that my highest accomplishment...)

And I'm so tempted to look at that picture of my life and to compare it to reality.  I'm not really sure why none of those things has happened so far.  That's not really what this is about.  My point is that we are literally stealing the joy out of our lives when we compare them.  Whether it's to someone else's life or the life we had dreamed for ourselves, comparing is one sure way to dwell on what "isn't".  It isn't right, it isn't good, it isn't fair. 

Wouldn't life be boring if we got everything we wanted right when we wanted it?  There would be nothing to be excited about, nothing to hope for.  I know I'd be a far different person if it hadn't been for some of the bumps in the road.  That's when we grow.  That's how we mature. 

I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds.  But I'm also not going to dwell on what "isn't" and to focus on the many, many blessings that I have been given instead.

I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

 

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart

instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he

is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad

and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because

you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

 

Psalm 16:2, 7-11



hope for the future.

Eight.  The number of months, to the day, since my world changed drastically.  My reality was shaken by the news I was given that Leap Day.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read this post I wrote back in March.  In a lot of ways, that was a defining day in my life.  It felt like everything I had worked for was falling apart in an instant.  I was confused.  I didn't know what had gone wrong exactly, only that it had.

On that day, February 29, 2012, in the midst of all of my confusion and emotions, this was part of the prayer that I wrote down:

"Give me Your grace daily as I walk through this, learning all the more what it means to rely on and trust in You.  Fill me with peace in the midst of confusion...You are still on your throne and still in control.  Help me to trust You in every circumstance...Fill me with hope for the future.  Lead me to open doors, give the courage and wisdom to pursue what you have for me."
 

There were a lot of hard days after that.  There were constant reminders around me, all the while trying to act like nothing had happened.  I had to keep going.  I had to keep moving.  I had to be strong.  I battled feelings of wanting to quit.  I battled having a good attitude about the situation at times.  I also knew that the way I reacted to this situation would be telling of my character and who I am. 

But I stuck it out.

As the last day of school loomed, I knew the kids would notice that my room was slowly emptying.  I had to find a way to tell them that I wasn't coming back that wouldn't cast doubts in them in my ability to teach them well.  I did and they were surprised.  But they were troopers all the way until the end.

I was, too.

And then it was summer and I had no direction.  It was another game of hurry up and wait.  Hurry and apply for this job and wait to hear about an interview, which caused another wait, only to hear what became an inevitable "no." 

I was discouraged and confused.  It didn't seem like God was leading me anywhere.  I was frustrated that everything I tried failed.  I couldn't figure out what God wanted me to do.

Another waiting game.

But somewhere along the way, around the beginning of September, my heart began to change.  I can't explain the change other than something that God did in my heart because it seems so inexplicable.  All of a sudden I felt like I wasn't supposed to be teaching.  I had no desire to pursue it anymore.  It had nothing to do with the failed attempts and countless applications.  Those only led me to where I am now.

I can't say what exactly I'm doing next, because nothing is official yet.  But God answered the prayer I prayed on Leap Day.  He has given me hope for the future.  He has given me the wisdom and courage to pursue what's next.  He has filled me with peace in the midst of so much confusion and frustration. 

And there really isn't anything else I would rather be doing. 

letting go.

Last weekend I wrote an update of sorts on what my plans are.  I was questioning whether or not I really wanted to keep teaching.  I was wrestling with the feeling of quitting if I moved on to something else.  And then I woke up Tuesday morning to a missed call and a voicemail from a district I had applied to a couple of weeks prior.  They wanted to interview me for a position they had open. 

In that moment, I was more confused than ever before.  I was just making peace with the idea of moving on and then this came along.

I called back and scheduled the interview for 12:15 on Thursday afternoon.  As much as I tried to not think about it, uncertainty reigned for the next couple of days.  I was having debates in my head about teaching, feeling myself swaying from one direction to the other. 

As much as I should have been, I just wasn't excited about it.  I couldn't muster the enthusiasm.  What if I went through the whole process again, even a second interview, and still got a no?  What if I let myself dream about the job and all of the possibilities and then it all got shattered again? 

No, I refused to let myself dream about it.  I just couldn't risk getting my hopes crushed again.  It felt better to go in with no hope at all.

Now, please let me stop here and say I was thankful for the opportunity.  After all, you really can't complain about not having a job when you don't apply for them.  You have to take risks sometimes and not worry about all of the "what ifs." 

And that's just what I did.  I went to the interview on Thursday and tried to put my best foot forward.  Even though I was nervous, I tried to not let my uncertainty about the job show through.

I was told I would hear something Friday afternoon.  About 5:00 Friday, I got the phone call with another "no." 

It stung at first, as any rejection does.  The slight hope I had had about the job was dashed in a moment.  I had to let go of the idea of teaching, even if for just this year. 

Maybe it's just not meant to be.  Maybe I am meant to do something else.

Right now, there is a (very) small part of me that still wants to teach.  After all, it's the thing I've been working toward for the last 7 years of my life.  I've spent a small fortune getting an education to be able to do just this.  And now, after all of that work, I'm just not sure.  I'm not sure if that's where my life is heading.  And, as hard as it is at times, I also have peace about letting it all go.

This is one of those situations where I'm just going to have wait it out and see what comes next. 

For now I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing (working with my mom and possibly subbing). 

Until then, stay tuned.

now what.

My answer never came, which I guess is an answer in itself.  I went to sub training and signed all of the appropriate paperwork.  School has started, as I'm constantly reminded.  I filled out a few more applications and again heard nothing.  And after all of this, I just feel more confused than ever.  You see, as times goes on I feel my heart changing.  Like, if I never teach again, I think I'm alright with that.  Maybe part of me knew before I started down this road, but I felt like I was giving up something I had worked years for.  I still feel that way now.  But maybe all of this waiting is God trying to tell me something.  Something like I'm supposed to be doing something else.  And then again, maybe not.  Maybe I'm just waiting.  I don't really know what to think anymore.  I've decided to take a little bit at a time.  For now, I'm going to be subbing and continuing in another job that I have.  We'll see where it goes.  I'm just tired of waiting.  Tired of being confused.  Tired of not knowing what on earth I'm supposed to be doing.